Tell me if any of these words spark anything for you. - Self-blame - Rumination - Guilt - Regret Chances are, you’re holding onto some old mistakes, and feeling at least one of these four things. Maybe you’re replaying a conversation with an ex that didn’t go the way you wanted it to.If only I’d said it differently… maybe we’d still be together. Maybe you missed an opportunity that could have been really fruitful for you. my life would be so much better if I’d just taken that leap. Or maybe you can’t shake the moment you didn’t speak up.I really should have stood up for myself. These feelings of self-blame and regret don’t make you stronger. They actually do the opposite. They get in the way. See, when you’re spiraling about what could have been, you miss out on what is here now. Reflecting is a valuable practise. But ruminating just wastes time and energy. If all you can think of is how a past relationship went wrong, you’re not present for the people in your life right now. If all you can see is the leap you never took, you’ll miss the new opportunities right in front of you. What you need to do is forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for not being a perfect partner, or a perfect worker, or a perfect human. And make room for growth. So often, we think of self-forgiveness as weakness. As if forgiving yourself means you don’t take your mistakes or shortcomings seriously. Don’t get me wrong; it’s imperative that we learn from our missteps. When we get in our own way, the only way forward is by taking into account where we erred and trying to do it differently next time. But learning from your mistakes isn’t the same as beating yourself up for making them. When we forgive ourselves, we create space to move forward. We say, “I made a mistake but I am only human and I have the capacity to make better decisions in the future.” Nobody’s born with all the answers. The energy we use spiraling can be better spent learning new skills, strengthening our relationships, and taking care of our bodies.