this question assumes that the past was better. but was it really? life is challenging now, but i feel the absence of conflicts and arguing for me is a big relief. i would not want to go back. i guess i was lucky that becoming a single dad wasn't a major life change like for many others (like for my own dad for example). i was already a stay-at-home dad before. working from home. so the only difference was having to get a paid helper to handle the housework to allow me to keep some personal freedom that lost. without that, yeah, i could see the appeal. as a single parent you get no breaks. especially when the kids are younger and can't be left at home unsupervised. it wasn't a smooth transition, especially since friends and relatives questioned my ability to handle the situation. they tried to help, but their assumptions left a lot of doubt in myself. that was probably the hardest part. but, as a socialworker told my friend, another single dad, no matter how bad you actually do, you are more important to your kids than anyone else and therefore nobody could support your kids better than you. i stood my ground against these friends by moving away from them. they are no longer part of my life and have no influence. i found new friends, thanks to the very welcoming culture here in east africa and nobody is questioning my capacity. one thing that i don't get in your post is the idea of working to become a new person. i never wanted to become someone different. i changed my circumstances. my life is different now, i learned a few things about myself. but my character didn't change. what changed is having a better understanding of myself. but i didn't try to become someone else than who i was. that doesn't even make sense to me. you can't become someone if you don't already know who that is. what does that even mean? if i know what kind of person i want to be, then i already am that person, and all that i need to change are the circumstances to be able to live and act like it.

i am a software developer, and my current focus is to build a client base that i can get work from. establish a network of people who would like to work with me. as a single parent full-time jobs are out of reach. and part-time jobs are extremely rare. especially remote. so i have to make due with whatever projects i can get.

hi, i am from austria, my children are born in china where i lived for 15 years. my wife passed away just before covid, and after the travel restrictions were lifted i decided to leave china and moved to east africa. the biggest challenge early on was that friends around me didn't believe that me taking care of the kids alone was the best option for the children. that was very frustrating because it felt discouraging and made me question my own capacity. one friend who was also a single parent shared with me that his social worker told him that no matter how bad he was doing he was still the best option for his child because no-one could ever replace being the real dad, no matter how hard they try. when i shared that with others, they flat out rejected it. and that hurt a lot. i grew up with a single dad myself, and so actually i have a pretty good role model, which i could sum up as: i don't care what everyone else thinks, i am going to do this my way. i was an outsider in school, and i was proud of it. thinking about it now, one reason to leave china was to get away from these people who didn't think i could do it. africa is challenging, and i can probably tell some stories about that, but i'll just share some highlights for now: the people here are very loving and supportive. because everyone's life is challenging here, my challenges aren't special and nobody is taking pity on me. also putting us into a generally challenging situation distracts from my own shortcomings. i don't get the feeling that the challenges are a sign that i failed, instead i can tell myself that i chose this path, and the challenges are just part of that, and even if i fail and we have to leave africa again, the experiences we make along the way will still be worth it.