I’ve been feeling really unsettled in my spirit and feel this feeling of “fear” or “darkness” and I’m unsure what it is. I’m not sure what this feeling is trying to tell me or if I need to lean into it. All I know is my familiar pattern wants to run away when I know I have to stay. How do I get in tune with what this is trying to teach me/tell me? Could it be excitement masked as fear?

@The Happiness Blueprint thank you for this. I’ve been trying to sit with it but my thoughts keep getting in the way and it’s become so hard to focus. That’s my problem though, I need to just let my thoughts just be there instead of forcing them away

So a thought that my mind keeps reverting to is the guy that I’m living with. We really like eachother and we both have goals to better ourselves. I also think I’ve been trying to make sense on if this is right for me, if I ACTUALLY like him in that way, or make sense of if we connect with eachother or not. He suffers with anxiety and depression just like I do and I can sense his emotions whenever he gets frustrated with his life, whenever he is happy and all of that. I also find myself getting anxious/shy whenever I’m with him but also super happy or “safe” I know consciously that we are not in a relationship and I found myself attaching, however we are intimate with eachother. I realized that everytime I’m dating someone (romantically) I always get anxious and my mind and my stomach tells me “this is not right” “they aren’t meant for you” “you’re better off alone” “you are going to get hurt” or “you are gonna mess things up” and I find it really hard to connect and feel what real love is. I know I need to detach the importance off of him and focus it on myself but I’m unsure how to do that because my brain always reverts back to him and wanting to give him everything even when I feel unsettled and not knowing how to communicate. I’ve noticed how my brain analyzes and creates stories off of him and judges/critics every little behavior/word/thing he does and paints a picture to say he is controlling, too needy, or “not my type” and the list goes on and on when simply he is not the problem at all. I know it’s myself but I can’t seem to figure out what this is telling me. Maybe it’s holding onto expectations? Maybe it’s people pleasing? Maybe it’s an abandonment wound? I’m not sure. I’ve seen this pattern before in my family though especially with my adopted parents. My mom and dad stayed with eachother and settled because they were too scared to be alone and it created resentment and they always fought. My biological parents especially my dad got into relationships where he found himself pleasing the other person and putting everyone before himself because he believed that other people/things/priorities were more important than tending to himself. I’ve seen it with my brother as well and now I think I’m repeating this generational pattern. I think this thought/feeling I’ve been having is not my intuition telling me to leave and it’s more my anxiety/fear talking but I’m unsure what to do or how to figure this out.