Exes and Expectations: Shedding the Weight of Society's Script
When I was a little girl, my life felt neatly outlined by everyone elseโs expectations. I was told to get good grades, go to college, don't do drugs or anything stupid and then I will be able to secure a stable career, make more money, and have more freedom and opportunity in life. I was taught that it was extra important to be โniceโ so people would like me (eh hem... approve of me), to strive for a relationship with a "nice" man, and prioritize being a wife and mother, too. And I did all of these thingsโor at least I tried really, really hard to. I checked the boxes: I got the degrees, stayed out of too much trouble, got married to a man in the military, and had the kids. Life's perfect, right? Check that box, tooโฆ Alright, so not quite. Nearly ten years ago exactly, I made one of the hardest decisions of my life: I left an unhealthy marriage. Not because it was abusive or outwardly catastrophic, but because it was a marriage built on what society wanted for me, not what I truly wanted for myself. Walking away wasnโt easyโit meant walking into the unknown, charting my own path forward as a single mom of three. Iโve spent the better part of these past ten years unlearning what I was taught to aspire to. And Iโve come to realize just how deeply society, wittingly or unwittingly conditions us, especially as women, to squeeze ourselves into boxes that often have nothing to do with what we actually want. We're rarely ever taught to prioritize ourselvesโmore often, quite the opposite. ๐ฉต The Expectations We Carry From a young age, weโre conditioned to aspire to roles and achievements that serve the worldโs script, not our soulโs desires. Be a โgoodโ girl. Get married. Have kids. Build a career that looks good on paper. Stay in your lane. Be niceโdonโt make waves. This isn't to say that any of this is necessarily done with mal-intent, oh no, it's usually done with the best of intentions, particularly by those closest to us that we look up to. But being โniceโ often just means suppressing who we really are to make others comfortable. Itโs not about being kind, genuine, or true to ourselves. And the problem with this kind of niceness is that it chips away at the self, little by little, until one day, you wake up and wonder, Is this who I really am?