What book in the Bible or biblical topic have you all been focused on lately? At work, I’ve been listening to the book of Acts a couple times a week since November. I know they don’t want using earbuds now but as Peter said “we must obey God rather than man” (Acts 5:29). Haha! It’s been so cool to slowly piece things together and find these connections across the book. I’ve never spent so much time focused on one book. Also, working through a John MacArthur Acts study guide.

Guys I sucked over the past few weeks. I’ve let my depression of being away from my family hinder my walk. I’m struggling emotionally and spiritually. My natural place is to foster men who lead men, and I’m failing. Like Peter I feel like I’ve failed in who I am BUT Jesus didn’t shame Peter after the resurrection, he sent him out to feed his sheep. I’m going back out to feed Jesus’ sheep. Love you guys for being here through my story. Expect posts again and often!! ❤️

A somber post from Brant Hansen (radio DJ for Star 93.3). Sorry it’s not a feel good story but it’s a good one about legacy, failed legacy. My father-in-law and I have talked a bit about Brant Hansen and some of his ideas. Good discussions and I found a lot of encouragement/wisdom from Brant that came from a sincere place. I gravitate towards those who are openly real about life. I haven’t listened to him much lately but his talks were encouraging to me when Loren and I were going through that difficult season I’ve told some of you about. This doesn’t reflect anyone in this group as we all seem to be pursuing fatherhood to the best of our abilities. But it’s good in case we need realigned, perspective on sibling relationships, and what type of legacy we are currently building. Love you guys. Keep up the good work. Here’s the post… I buried my dad today. There was no funeral. It was just my brother and me, standing in windswept and freezing rural Illinois. He wanted to be cremated. I don't know why. So this is his box. My brother brought one thing to be buried with him: The sign that my dad would hang on the office doors of all of "his" churches: "Phil Hansen, Minister." Darin brought it, and I immediately knew why. "He should be buried with this, because it's what he cared about: Himself, and his title." And so we did. I cried, but not for him, honestly. I cried because I was so thankful to have a brother, who, like me, still loves the Lord in spite of it all. "Though He slay me," Job said, "Yet I will trust in him." We thanked God out loud for all that he has done in our lives to live out the antithesis of what we went through growing up: The terror, the trauma, the embarrassment. And what we've been dealing with as adults for so many years. We honestly wondered if it would end. Here we were, together, after all that. Some things only a sibling can understand. Please know that a life that's All About You may well conclude this way, even after decades of "ministry":

Pray for me this week, my annual review is scheduled for Tuesday, honestly not sure what to expect. Might be really bad.

Ecclesiastes 2:10–11 (KJV) “And whatsoever mine eyes desired I kept not from them, I withheld not my heart from any joy; for my heart rejoiced in all my labour: and this was my portion of all my labour. Then I looked on all the works that my hands had wrought, and on the labour that I had laboured to do: and, behold, all was vanity and vexation of spirit, and there was no profit under the sun.” Some men don’t run to money when they’re tired. They run to feeling better. Relief. Comfort. Distraction. Something that takes the edge off. Not because they’re weak. Because they’re worn. Pleasure becomes the place the heart goes to rest. Not wild indulgence. Just small escapes that say, “Let me feel okay for a minute.” Food. Screens. Sex. Entertainment. Anything that quiets the noise. That’s not hedonism at first. That’s a man trying to survive his own pressure. But when relief becomes the place you live… when comfort becomes the compass for your decisions… when feeling good becomes more important than being true… Pleasure stops being a gift and starts becoming a refuge. And whatever the heart uses as refuge will eventually ask to become lord. This isn’t about cutting things out. It’s about noticing what you run to when you’re empty. When you’re stressed, disappointed, or alone… where do you go to feel whole again? Not to judge. Just to see where your heart has learned to rest.