(Written from the heart, in the tradition of the Psalms) O Lord, I come to You not with strength, but with what remains after strength has been spent. I am tired beyond sleep. I am weary beyond words. My bones ache not from labor alone, but from carrying sorrow that never seems to end. I look around and see no family standing with me. My mother is gone, taken by suicide, before she could ever bless me. In fact in her letter I was the reason, my God was false, were her last words. My father lives, yet has told me I am unworthy of his name. And has found his God in a bottle My brother wanders the streets, Fentanyl has got him under it's grip. and I cannot reach him. My family has turned their faces away, as though my very existence offends them. What you said would be favour to come has turned to dust. I have no table where I am welcomed. No house where I am expected. No voice calling to ask if I am still standing. Even the places meant for refuge feel silent. I walked into Your house seeking fellowship, but the shepherd did not answer when I called. The room was small, the people were few, and still I felt unseen. Lord, I gave my life to serving others. I carried hundreds, made time for all, listened, answered, stayed late, showed up. And now I stand here asking, does anyone see me at all? Like David, I feel accused without trial. Like David, I am spoken of in whispers. Like David, I am faithful in private, yet treated as though I am faithless. Those who know nothing of my nights question my heart. Those who have never carried my burden judge my steps. Like Elijah, I have run until there was nothing left. I have outrun despair only to collapse beneath it. I have said the words I never wanted to say, It is enough, Lord. Not because I want to die, but because I no longer know how to keep going alone, and like Elijah I ask for the mercy of death. And like Jeremiah, there are days I curse the day I was born. Days I ask why light was given to me at all.

“Still Standing in the Dark” I am tired in places sleep can’t reach,Where prayers echo before they land.I’ve learned how to smile with a fractured soul,And shake hands with grief like an old friend. I carry days that never made sense,Nights that asked questions God didn’t answer out loud.I’ve screamed into silence, begged for a sign,And whispered faith through a mouth full of doubt. There are wounds no one ever sees,Because I learned early how to be strong.I held the world together with shaking handsWhile quietly wondering how long. I’ve bled in rooms full of people,Felt invisible under fluorescent light.I’ve done everything right on the outsideAnd still lost every fight at night. I’ve loved with my whole damn heart,And watched it be misunderstood.I gave grace when I needed rescue,And called it “growth” because I should. Sometimes I envy the broken who break,Who fall apart and finally rest.But I was built to endure the storm,Even when endurance feels like a test. God, I’m still here, but I’m so worn thin.Still breathing, but barely whole.If this is the road to becoming new,Why does it cost so much of my soul? If You’re near, then sit with me here,In the quiet where courage fades.Don’t rush the healing, don’t dress the wound,Just stay while the pain says what it needs to say. Because I’m not faithless, I’m just exhausted.Not lost, just aching for home.Still standing in the dark, Lord—But standing is all I’ve known.

This space is small right now, and I’m actually grateful for that. It gives room for honesty without performance. If you’re here, I’d love to know: What season are you walking through right now? For me, holidays are really tough, let’s have a dialogue:)

Men, let’s talk about growth. What is one place in your life where you sense God calling you to rise, to step forward, to take responsibility. It is written Be strong and courageous, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. What step is God asking you to take next.

Tell me something that’s feeling heavy today?