I like it Nik. Personable, short and to the point, includes a few of the talking points you want to discuss with them. Why do you feel like you need to revamp it? are you not seeing as much success with it? Is there intentionality behind stating they're busy at the beginning of the email and then also saying I know you might be too busy to respond at the end? I feel like that undermines you a little bit as someone who knows their shit and prepares a ton for really good interviews. Your numbers speak for themselves too. Idk, that's just me thinking as I type this. Here's email I send, with similar format typically. Mind you, this never got a response but has worked a lot in the past...