Karen, you just poured your heart out! Spoke your truth, and your fears. It's refreshing to hear it spoken out loud not just for yourself to hear but so others can hear you too. Both are important. You asked if it's ok to put yourself first. You may already know the answer. Look at the evidence in your own words, your children grew into adults you admire, who still want your company, whose partners welcomed you in, loved you. You have been there for them in the ways that mattered. Being available 24 hours a day now won't rewrite the past, it will only shelve you again. I feel joy in my heart knowing you're thinking of you first. Isn't that what we want for our children and our grandchildren, to love themselves so that they can be all that they can be in this life. I've spent most of my life taking care of everyone else, and my own dream has laid dormant gathering nothing but dust for more than 25 years. So I know that voice that creeps in at 3AM. But here's what I believe, when you take this job, and I can feel it's what you really want to do, you're not taking something from your family, you're showing them the woman they've admired all along is still growing. That is a beautiful thing! Tell me about the new job, I'm excited to hear. What part of it feels most like it's for you?

@Karen Diamond An investigator for the planning dept. at Cumbrian National Park is right up your alley. Does that mean that you get to take part in different planning ideas for that specific park? Getting to travel the countryside puts a smile on my face knowing you get to be somewhere you love being. You get to make money while you're doing it. Talk about a silver platter! So happy for you Karen :-). How did this silver platter fall into your lap? Was it something you were actively seeking out?