Tomorrow’s Habit Chat is about breaking the all-or-nothing habit. You eat or drink more than you intended, miss a few walks, or reach for something you’d decided to stop… and then comes the thought: “I’ve blown it, so what’s the point?” One slip can become a whole week of drifting. And the way we speak to ourselves afterwards can make returning even harder. Tomorrow, we’ll explore how to respond to a slip with less self-criticism, interrupt the “I've stuffed it now, might as well keep going” pattern, and make your next choice differently. If you’ve drifted off course, this is a lovely place to reset. Join me for Habit Chat tomorrow, Monday, at 1 pm Melbourne time. Comment YES if you’re familiar with this pattern And give me a thumbs up if you'll be joining me tomorrow.

Today we explored all-or-nothing thinking — how one missed walk, an unplanned snack or a gap in our habit tracker can become a reason to abandon our intentions. Much of our conversation centred on eating, but this pattern can show up in any habit we’re trying to change. 👉 A misstep doesn’t have to become a spiral. 👉 The next moment is an opportunity to realign. Here’s what we unpacked: - Notice the habit and your response to it. Sometimes we’re already doing the thing before we become aware. That moment of awareness still counts. - Disappointment doesn’t need to become self-criticism. We can acknowledge how we feel without adding shame, harsh judgement or “I’ll never change.” - Guide yourself with kindness. A gentle “Hey, what am I doing? What would help me here?” gives us a way to respond deliberately. - Treat tracking as information. An imperfect chart can help us learn. It doesn’t erase our effort or measure our worth. - Make your environment support you. Put obstacles in the way of habits you want to interrupt, and make the habits you want to build easier. - Recognise the progress inside the moment. Stopping partway through, allowing an urge to pass or staying with disappointment without reaching for your usual relief are all changes worth acknowledging. We also explored how past experiences can feed the fear that we’ll repeat the same cycle. Our history can help us understand a pattern; it doesn’t have to decide our next choice. 🔁 This week’s practice: Notice. Accept. Realign. “I can acknowledge what just happened, learn from it and choose what I do next.” Self-compassion includes honest reflection and supportive action. We can be kind to ourselves and still change direction. ❓Where does “all or nothing” show up for you — and what could realigning look like in that moment?

Today’s Habit Chat was a really rich conversation about habits of relief — the things we automatically reach for when we want to change how we feel. We explored how habits such as smoking, vaping, eating, scrolling or even staying constantly busy can begin because they provide comfort, stimulation, distraction, escape or relief from an uncomfortable internal state. Over time, the original reason may disappear, but the behaviour can remain because the neural pathway has become deeply rehearsed. One of the biggest themes was learning to look beyond the habit itself and notice the pattern around it. What happens just before the urge? Are you stressed or overstimulated? Or perhaps under-stimulated, bored, alone, restless or simply in an unstructured moment between activities? The habit is the behaviour; the pattern includes what happens before it, the behaviour itself, and what happens afterwards — including regret, shame, self-doubt or the story that “I’ll never change.” And this is where the observing self becomes so important. Rather than waiting until the habit has happened and then judging yourself, the practice is to gradually bring awareness further and further forward: ➡️ Notice the state → notice the urge → create some space → choose what happens next. We also talked about changing the tone of our inner dialogue. Instead of “Don’t do it. Here you go again. You have no self-control,” we can become our own wise, kind guide: “I know what’s happening here. There’s an urge. Let’s give it a moment. What do I actually need right now?” Even a minute of breathing, moving or redirecting your attention can create valuable space between impulse and action. Another lovely distinction was boundaries rather than rigid rules. A boundary such as “I don’t generally eat in bed” can act as a guardrail — something we consciously choose because it protects us from slipping easily into a pattern we know doesn’t serve us. 💡 Perhaps the most important takeaway was this: you are not stuck.

Many of our habits aren’t really about the behaviour itself. They’re about relief. We experience an uncomfortable internal state — stress, anxiety, frustration, agitation, boredom, restlessness, loneliness — and an urge arises to do something that will change how we feel. Over time, certain behaviours can become our habitual way of getting that relief, such as: • smoking or vaping • drinking alcohol • emotional eating • scrolling or reaching for our phones • shopping or spending • procrastinating or avoiding • other repetitive behaviours that give us a quick sense of comfort, distraction or escape The relief might be real — but usually very it’s temporary. And when we repeatedly respond to discomfort in the same way, that response can become increasingly automatic. In tomorrow’s Habit Chat, I’ll start by talking about habits of relief: why they form, what happens in that moment when the urge appears, and how we can begin practicing a different response. Then, as always, the conversation is open. Bring along any questions about this topic, or anything else around habits and patterns that you’d like to soundboard with me. If you’re planning to join me tomorrow Monday | 1pm AEST, pop a YES in the comments below. 👇

This week’s Habit Chat explored uncertainty — and our very human habit of trying to create certainty when life feels unpredictable. The one thing that is certain is change. Life is constantly changing, which means we can’t always know what’s going to happen next. When things feel uncertain, our minds naturally start searching for certainty — predicting, planning, worrying and trying to control outcomes. The problem is that the more we try to eliminate uncertainty, the more anxious we can become. A more helpful practice is learning to live with uncertainty while building trust in ourselves. We explored a few key ideas: - Notice the mind searching for certainty. Meta-awareness allows us to observe: “Ah, my mind is trying to work out what’s going to happen.” We don’t have to follow every thought into a worry loop. - Come back to what is true now. The thing we fear may happen, but it may not. Right now, in this moment, what actually needs our attention? - Shift from controlling the outcome to supporting yourself. Ask: What can I actually do here? Make a practical plan where one is needed, then allow the rest to remain uncertain. - Build self-trust. Real security doesn’t come from knowing exactly what will happen. It comes from trusting: Whatever happens, I will work out what to do. I will cope with what I feel. And I can ask for support when I need it. - Notice the patterns underneath worry. Procrastination, rumination, avoidance, clinging and other habitual behaviours can all be attempts to find relief from uncertainty or uncomfortable emotional states. - Watch the stories you tell about yourself. Labels such as “I have an addictive personality” can become part of an automated loop. Instead, practice noticing: “I notice I’m having that thought about myself again.” Awareness without judgement begins to loosen the pattern. 💡 We also talked about Solvitur ambulando — “it is solved by walking.” Sometimes we don’t need to solve a worry immediately. We can deliberately put it aside, take it for a walk later, and think it through when our mind and body are steadier.