I don’t see LEFT or RIGHT anymore. I only see GOOD or EVIL!!! Actions and inaction tell me way more about who’s GOOD and who’s EVIL than what anyone says. I know that the potential for good and evil exists in each of us. I start from the premise that people are good and then I observe.

I’m starting chemotherapy today for leukemia/blood cancer. I was diagnosed in 2022. Four years without needing treatment was great, but things progressed over the past year and it’s time. You all have helped me become more authentic with my life and I appreciate you!!

Peaceful Saturday to you all. I wanted to tell you how much I am looking forward to tomorrow night and the coming year, together, as we discover and share some pretty " big deal" stuff. In reviewing my course work from January 2025 I find that I am more committed to making the time for the class work this time around. It is of course, the more you put into something, the more you get back from it. Knowing what I did do in 2025, a fair amount but not nearly enough, compared to my intentions for 2026, I am amazed to reflect on just how much I did grow over the last year, how although more fearful of death in some respects, I am more prepared to embrace that day when it arrives. I am committing to Pam, to you all (it will keep me accountable) and myself, to keep a gratitude journal this time, I managed to side step that for the last 365 days. It is an honor to be at the table with each of you, here we go....pass the potatoes.

So after only reading two chapters of the Soul Injury boo I feel that I have a much better understanding of what I’ve been feeling and experiencing for the past 20+ years of my life. As I was reading, the book really resonated with me. I have PTSD for multiple reasons, one of which is finding my son‘s body after he completed suicide in 2022. I’ve gone through intensive PTSD treatment through the VA, which was very effective. I’ve suffered various traumas in my life and yet the feeling that I had was something deeper that I couldn’t explain. In the first chapter of the book, I had an “aha moment”, and realized that I was hurting at the level of my soul. When they defined the three broad categories that cause soul injury, a lightbulb lit up in my brain when I read “fear of helplessness and loss of control.“ I spent 24 years in the military, 20 of which were either as a noncommission officer or an officer where I was in charge of people, equipment and responsible for making sound fiscal choices. After retiring from the military I worked 15 years in the VA as a surgical specialty ENT PA working primary with cancer patients. I had been a PA for a total of 29 years when I retired. So looking back on 39 your career in federal service, 34 of those years were in positions where I could not be helpless and I had to be in control. At the time I didn’t realize the toll that was taking on my soul. I’m really looking forward to delving deeper into this, learning more, and healing the deep injury that has impacted my life and my relationships for decades.

I wanted to introduce myself honestly, because this is one of the few kinds of spaces where honesty actually belongs. I’ve lived with a lot of loss. I’m the only surviving member of my family of origin. My mother died when I was 27 and pregnant with my second child. My brother died at 49.My niece was murdered in 2011 at the age of 18. My husband lives with CLL — it’s quiet right now and likely will be for years, but the not-knowing is part of our daily weather. Because of this, I think about death, grief, and legacy a lot. Not in a morbid way — more as companions. They’ve shaped how I love, how I choose, and how I pay attention to what matters. I’m deeply grateful for a community where we can name the ugly, tender, unsayable parts out loud — without rushing to make meaning or turn pain into inspiration. I’m here to listen, to learn, and to be alongside others who know that grief doesn’t make us broken — it makes us human.