Wow what a ride to get to where we are now, I always knew we eventually would some how, I've been a daughter, a sister, friend, a mum, But I've only been a mum as long as you've been a son, I may not get it right everytime, I may seem unfair, But behind it all I really do care, I swear time flys the older I get, I want it to slow down, don't want it to end yet, I want you both to know I love each of you with my whole heart, And always do even when we're apart. I would do anything for both of you, There's absolutely nothing I wouldnt do, You my boys are my everything, My entire reason for living, Keep being yous or I'll kick ya bum, I'm so proud to be your mum! The brightness of my night and day, Us 3 against the world all the way, My weakness yous expel, Create a heaven when I'm in hell! I'll be here for yous always and forever, Stop loving yous I could never! The reason I get up everyday is you two, I'm a better person because of the two of you!! Believe in yourselves, I sure do!! Forever and always I will love yous!!!

How do you expect things to just be the same, When I actually needed yous, yaz never came, Years and years I tried to be even just accepted by all of you, Till one day I decided I got better shit to do, The weight that lifted left my shoulders feeling light, Like I could spread my wings and take flight, And one thing I found in myself that I needed to, Was that I never needed any of you, But I can't go back and want something that can never be, Like most in my life you wanted me to be someone other than me, The ones who'd literally known me since day one, But didn't know me at all interest taken in me was none, And you lot carry on like everything is normal and fine, I don't think we'll make it there in this life time. I know that you all tried you all did what you could, It's not any of your fault I feel misunderstood, But don't think your surprise visits come as a treat, Yaz really just push me back a couple of feet, I've never been apart of ya pack, I'm way past accepting that, So if your visits are cause you think you have to for me, Then stop cause it's unessesary, Maybe unburdening yourselfs with me, Can help you in future to leave me be!

At one stage I thought I'm doomed, no future for me, Just a broken soul wandering aimlessly, But the universe changed that and what came my way, My baby boys who gave me a purpose each day, Such an amazing thing to watch a baby grow, And how they can bring you up from your ultimate lows!, Inquisitive, innocent, pure right through, Oh man I'm so proud to be the mother of you two, Magnificent boys, my heroes in life!, Bonds you couldn't cut with a knife, I couldn't imagine going a day, Without being able to say, How much I love you both and love being you mother, And how I know you'll both take care of one another, Challenge each other, push each other, I'll be here too, There's nothing in this world that MY BOYS CANT DO!!, I love yous more than everything known to man, Always will because I can!!😘

So much awful shit going on in the world today, Even a lot of it here in hawkes bay, Murders, assaults, missing people, shootings, Where's all the tough mum's and nans that gave good bootings?, What kind of place are we making for our kids, Put all the ugly aside and seal it with a lid, There's already sooo much out of our control that causes us sadness and pain, And doing that nasty shit, what is it you gain?, Life is short, this we all know, I'm sure we've all lost somebody we didn't want to go!, Too much taking for granted, respect is minimal to none, This shouldn't be how things are done, To change into a better place, we can only hope, Before we slip down that slope, From our children we borrow this earth, And we who decided to give birth, Shouldn't destroy what is their home, Now and long after we're all gone!!

To my boys, I wanna say from the bottom of my heart, That I'm sorry you both had an unfair start, I'm sorry I didn't heal myself before bringing yous into it, You both have had to deal with a fair bit of shit, I'm sorry neither of you got a father, just a broken mum, How I wish to all this, I could feel numb, The pain yous would have felt at times, should have never existed at all, My babies!! I let yous down, I let us fall, But mamas finally out of that Rutt now, we can finally move up and on, I just really hope I'm not too late, hope the opportunity hasn't gone, I hope you both can forgive me, hope you guys can gimme one more chance, We've been through the worst right? Could we give what could be a glance?, You both are the only things/people in the entire universe I want, need, love!!, Your crazy fits my crazy just like a glove, I've been a rubbish mum, I'm so mad at me, and it's ok if yous are too, No one can tell you how to feel, just you, Not me not a friend, no stranger night or day, Only you know when your ready to throw them away, I love the two of you with every last piece of me, And forever and always will unconditionally!!!!