I don’t know where the nice guys hang out. Like literally, WHERE ARE THEY? I think we’re all afraid of putting ourselves out there and being rejected. Nowadays, we just observe without making a move. It happens, but really rarely (creeps only). Further, there’s online dating. I had Tinder and Bumble, but the guys were not my type. I also didn’t feel good using it because it was like a game, swiping through a catalog and judging their appearance first. But I have to say I get the ick really quickly. Most guys just don’t know how to portray themselves. It’s just pictures of abs and them wearing sunglasses. Besides, you really have to put a lot of effort into it, the texting was so hard.

@Benedict Marchand

@Benedict Marchand I don’t like the part where I live in, the western part of Germany. I grew up here and have lived here for 20 years. I see the same scenery everyday. I would describe Essen, but also NRW as: dirty, impolite, asozial, industrial and lifeless. If I had to stay here in Germany, I would choose Hamburg, maybe even Munich. But my dream goal is to live in London, UK. London has so much to offer: pretty cafés, excellent multi cultural cuisine, beautiful parks, museums (history goes way back), and most importantly libraries and vintage book shops. I am a book lover, so I need libraries near me😅

There are many things that keep me up at night because I am a worrier. I worry about many things, I think it’s because I always need to be controlling my life. Firstly, I am a student of English and American studies and work in Corporate Communications. It’s nothing special, and I always feel invisible and stupid (maybe even jealous?) when my friends talk about their work. They study law, medicine, and education. I always compare my life to other people and immediately feel insecure because I have nothing that I can be happy about. My job is okay, but I’m not passionate about it compared to my friends. Sometimes, I see what other people have accomplished on LinkedIn, and this makes me feel so inferior. Secondly, and actually most importantly. I have observed that I simply exist and don’t really live. I don’t have a lot of emotions, many things are indifferent to me. I have nothing to say. I watch life pass by. I feel like I am the ghost in everyone’s memory because nobody can remember me. Furthermore, I haven’t clicked with many people during my study abroad, neither in the U.S. nor in Italy. I get along with my colleagues, and I see them interacting with each other, being so expressive in their emotions and laughing together, whereas I am very serious and look sorrowful because I have a resting bitch face. I am not really expressive, I have never experienced the highs and lows of an emotion, sometimes I don’t feel at all. I don’t know if one can fix that. I think that’s also because my other relationships didn’t work and why I’m not happy about my job.

I finally found a job which depressed me over the last couple of months. However, I always wonder now what the meaning of life is. I can’t believe that the human lives in order to work (full-time) for the rest of his/her life. Reading and books make me extremely happy because I can escape into another reality. I love fantasy novels, and my favorite authors are Sarah J. Maas and Rebecca Yaros.

@Toby Brauer looking for a job was depressing and a long process, i started looking for jobs in September, and I am finally employed since January.

6:30pm? 😃