Let’s break some illusions. Most guys think healing is just about fixing the behaviour. Stop overthinking. Stop fighting. Stop choosing the wrong woman. Maybe journal a bit. Do some breathwork. Write an affirmation. But if you don’t go deeper, you’ll just loop the same emotional pattern again and again. Here’s what’s actually happening. Behaviour is the symptom. Emotion is the fuel. Belief is the root. And until you find the root emotional program, you’ll keep living out the same story, just with new characters. Here’s how it plays out across different patterns — and how to start rewiring the root program underneath each one: 1. Constant Arguing or Getting Criticised All the Time Root Belief: “I’ve done something wrong” Emotion: Guilt What you do: Attract conflict so you can defend yourself Why: Defending gives you a hit of relief and control, so you don’t have to feel the guilt buried underneath How to Heal: Inner child work: Let the younger version of you speak. He probably carried blame that was never his Feel guilt physically: Breathe deep into your belly, use sound or tapping to move it out Reframe triggers: When someone criticises you, ask yourself if it’s activating your guilt program before reacting 2. Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Partners Root Belief: “I have to earn love” Emotion: Abandonment What you do: Chase inconsistent love, mistake anxiety for chemistry Why: Because chaos feels like home when love was never stable How to Heal: Practice receiving safe love, even if it feels awkward at first Write to the part of you that chases: Let it know it no longer has to run Choose different: If someone feels calm and consistent, stay. That’s healing 3. Overworking and Never Feeling Done Root Belief: “If I stop, I’m useless” Emotion: Guilt and fear What you do: Hustle endlessly, avoid stillness Why: Productivity became a survival tool, now your nervous system thinks slowing down is dangerous How to Heal: Schedule conscious rest and sit in the discomfort

You ever feel like there’s two versions of you at war inside? One part of you knows what needs to be done—he’s calm, grounded, powerful, clear. And the other part? He’s still the boy. Waiting for permission. Avoiding hard conversations. Blaming everyone else. Addicted to comfort and calling it “taking it easy.” That boy shows up when your woman needs you to lead, but you check out. He shows up when your purpose demands action, but you procrastinate. He shows up when life gives you pressure—and you crumble or numb instead of rising. I lived from that place for years. And I was damn good at hiding it. I looked the part. Spoke well. Knew the “right” things to say. But under it all, I was still outsourcing leadership… Still carrying resentment at life for not being easier. Still wanting someone to save me. The boy in me was charming. But he couldn’t build a kingdom. He couldn’t lead a woman. He couldn’t carry a mission. Because he was still waiting to be chosen. The sacred man? He chooses himself. He carries weight even when it’s heavy. He takes radical ownership of his thoughts, his emotions, his actions—and his impact on those around him. He doesn’t get it perfect. But he shows up differently. So here’s the prompt for you: • Where is the adult boy still running the show in your life? • And what would it look like to let the sacred man step in instead? Drop your answers below. Get real. Get honest. This brotherhood isn’t for masks. It’s for men ready to grow into who they were born to be. Let’s do this work together.

Most men think their anger is about their job, their partner, or the daily stress of life. But in most cases, that surface anger is just a symptom. The real wound runs deeper. It starts with the relationship you had — or didn’t have — with your father. And until you confront that, you’ll keep misdirecting your anger at the wrong targets. You’ll keep snapping at your partner You’ll keep feeling irritated over things that don’t make sense You’ll keep carrying a low-grade tension in your body that never fully goes away Let’s break this down. What is the father wound? It’s the unresolved pain left behind by a father who was absent, abusive, emotionally unavailable, overly critical, or simply not equipped to guide you into healthy masculinity. This wound can take many forms. Never hearing “I’m proud of you” Being punished for showing emotion Constantly trying to prove your worth Feeling like nothing you do is ever good enough Growing up in a house where your father was physically there but emotionally vacant Most men think they’ve “moved on” from it. But the body never lies. The nervous system remembers. And it shows up in how you lead, how you love, and how you relate to other men. Signs you’re still carrying the father wound You feel a constant need to prove yourself You struggle with emotional regulation and often suppress or explode You crave validation from mentors or authority figures You struggle to trust other men or feel competitive around them You either overcompensate with hyper-masculinity or collapse into passivity These patterns don’t make you weak. They make you human. But if you don’t confront them, they quietly run your life. What healing actually looks like Healing the father wound is not about blaming him forever. It’s about acknowledging the impact, grieving what was missing, and choosing to lead yourself forward in a new way. Here are some starting points: 1. Write the unsent letter Say everything you never got to say. Speak the anger, the pain, the sadness. You don’t have to send it. You just need to let it move through you.

This is an article I wrote on Medium back in October of last year. Thought I'd share it here. https://medium.com/@jimbernardo/what-does-it-mean-to-be-a-man-9f1ef5f9e1dc

Call kicks off at 6PM AEST – about 7 hours from now. This isn’t just a Zoom call. This is an initiation. We’re laying the foundation tonight — setting the tone, the standard, and the commitment that will define this Brotherhood. If you’ve committed to this space — show up fully. If you’re still unsure — this is your moment to decide: 👉 “Am I truly ready to be forged into something greater?” 🛠️ The structure is locked in. We’ll be diving into deep truth, powerful reflection, and real masculine leadership. No fluff. No hiding. No pretending. This is for the men who are ready to rise. ⚔️ Call starts in 7 hours. Get grounded. Get ready. Show up. Drop a 🔥 in the comments if you’re in.