Hi! It’s a tough road to heal oneself and to open oneself to new forms of being and living. I’m not used to healthy relationships and as I started to assert gentle boundaries with friends I lost a lot of them !! Realising how much if my friendships were based on people using me for supply or for control or needing to control me, and the minute i stood up - i lost friends. I know its for the best but the transition is painful. Also I am a people pleaser so much of my identity is from GIVING. I am not used to receiving. Now i am single and alone a lot of the time. I am really confused by the idea of independence. Is a healed person supposed to just feel happy when they’re alone all the time? Are we supposed to be happy in our own company? Also I think I am not really sure about what I want from friendships anymore and I will need to clarify that. So yes! My tasks are probably to journal and discover - what do i want from friendships? - What do i want in my family relationships? - What do i want in romantic relationships? I guess as this clarifies new people will enter my life.

@The Mutual Man love this! Am still trying to work out what my values are. It sounds crazy but that is really confusing for me. I love the indian term dharma: like your total worldview, vision, order and cosmic order — i don’t have that because i was such a people pleaser i lost myself.

@Carmen Segovia i am not there yet - sounds great!!

Hi gang. I’m in a phase of my life where I am moving away from people pleasing to putting up boundaries. It’s been new and hard for me. Recently I told one of my old school friends in my school circle that I have found his behaviour bullying and abusive for years, towards me and others. I have said it before but this time I said it really clearly and with strength. He tried to downplay it - gaslighting - and I insisted on my position and stood up for myself. I have removed myself from this friendgroup because of him … he tried to tell everyone I am just being an “emotional” woman - but the others are agreeing with me. We agreed that we should all have a meeting to decide the way forward but he doesn’t want that. I have decided if my needs are not met I am happy to leave the group.