Lets go back 2 years for me, I see a cute girl I want to talk to in a store. Half a second later my body reacts before I even make a decision. Feelings rush in; a sense of mild dread, throat gets dry, physical slight shaking. Overwhelmed by thoughts "There's no point in approaching, she'll reject you", "You're worthless don't approach". An underlying conclusion my brain has drawn that she will reject me, I am worthless and I am doomed to be alone forever. Then afterwards I beat myself up because of a missed opportunity, "she could've been the one" or "You've improved so much in your life yet you can't do this simple fucking thing? what a failure of a person you've turned out to be". So physical fear, overthinking and ruminating afterwards causing more self doubt and self loathing. Glad to say I do not miss experiencing this. Even just a normal conversation with a cashier or a stranger triggered slight fear, just connecting felt outside my reach; like I wasn't normal and that everyone else, they fundamentally had something I didn't. This fundamental feeling of difference, worthlessness and being unlovable; It was an underlying feeling that stayed with me no matter what. I didn't realise it at the time, if you asked me I would've said "I'm a confident man, I don't care what people think of me, I'm barely insecure at all". Yet underlying everything I did came from a feeling of not being enough, so therefore you must work to become enough. I was a self improvement addict, gym, discipline, cold showers - got into shape yet still social anxiety prevailed. It didn't work, well it barely worked; I felt a bit more confident but that's it. My motivation for self improvement was because I wasn't enough, my value as a human came from my self improvement - if I wasn't bettering myself, I will never get love or have any value. This existed in my brain as a genuinely tangible rule; as real as this screen your looking at right now. It's not just a thought, it existed as truth in my nervous system and brain.