Having been abandoned and discarded by my physical mother, I found myself feeling very unloveable and unworthy of love. I mean, what kind of steaming pile of crap gets disowned by her own mother because they love her enough to want her suffering to end? Who is abandoned by the woman who agonized through birth to give them life if they were not a horrible person? This deep mother wound was so painful for me. I wanted to save her from all the pain. I grew up with no mom because she was always too sick for me. And as an adult, she consciously chose her illness over her love for me. That must mean I’m too hard to love or I bring her more suffering than her billions of diagnoses do. Right? I felt so alone. And when I did a ritual last year to sever energetic ties to her, I grieved as if she had died. I felt like I fell apart a bit. I questioned everything. I decided I would never try to help anyone. Not ever again. No one wants it. They want the idea of it until I open my mouth and inadvertently introduce ideas that will systematically alter their life forever. Then, I’m too much. I’m too bossy. I ask the impossible. Yet in my Soul, I’m there doing what I came here for. To diminish the level of suffering. And not a single soul sees it or cares or wants it. And one night, a year or so after being set adrift by my mother, the Morrigan came to me between sleep and waking. When I woke, really woke, I started to research her. The woman I saw was almost like Morticia Addams. Sleek black hair dipping below her waist, fair skin, black clothing that rippled in an invisible breeze. Next to her was a young girl that looked almost identical. Same black hair, same black clothing. Thinking on it now, it feels like an invitation for my inner child to come to her. When I meet any deity, I research them, read books, use oracle cards to communicate with them, and wear something to honor them. And that’s what I did, becoming a priestess of the Morrigan in the process. She became so familiar to me that I asked to call her Mother and she was receptive. She has always called me by my Spirit name, Sonaseidhe (sona - shee). She has lectured me and comforted me, but she has always loved me. And in a way that I respect. When I screw up, she doesn’t belittle me nor does she remind me that I’m a terrible person. Nope. She would reframe my reactions. My thoughts. My feelings. She taught me boundaries and finding love for myself. She taught me to stand my ground when my values were compromised. She taught me tolerance on a whole different level and forgiveness on steroids. And probably most of all, she taught me how to access my courage. To move forward with fear and just move through it. All the times I didn’t feel I could go on, she was there to push me regardless. When I throw tantrums, she points it out and helps me “get over it” in a healthy way.