Defensiveness is largely a reaction to criticism. As a human, it is difficult to suppress a knee-jerk reaction to criticism before analysing the validity of the criticism. The clarity usually comes in hindsight, and, if we are self aware enough, we ask the same question Emma asks - how do we check ourselves? The answer is - it's not easy. For me, these are my checks: - are you currently stressed out and likely to act irrationally? - do you know more about the subject matter than the person criticising you? - honestly, is it possible you may have been slacking a bit? - is it possible that you could be doing better, or are you operating on the ragged edge? It is difficult to ask and answer all these questions in the split second it takes for you to react defensively, but one thing I can tell you is that age has a big effect on chilling tf out. It seems to get easier as you get older 🤣