So to start this of little disclaimer most of this is about my journey through ranked and only at the end everything comes a bit more together and I will ask some question that stand central for me and maybe for you to in the journey so lets start shall we XD. My journey started late 2017 when I first got introduced to rocket league, I was fascinated by the game yet sadly I did not have a console so my journey never picked of from the ground. This kept being a thing until 2020 when I made my very first account to play, I had a laptop and even though super scuffed it worked. So, I started after about a week or 2 I finally was able to play ranked. I placed silver 2 or 3 I do not quite remember. It didn’t take long for me to start playing a lot after a while though I hit gold 1 and that’s when I started to play less, I was getting bored. It took me 3 months to get back and at that time I lose all my skill( welp for a gold what you would call skill lol) I started slowly and eventually found someone whom I grinded with we reached higher and higher until we finally hit gold 3 and this is where I faced my first challenge platinum 1s where different they were fast I couldn’t keep up and welp with my tm8 we tried over and over again season end slowly approaching. So, after we only had 2 weeks left and my tm8 said he was on a vacation and would not be back for a few more days. I decided against my better knowing to get into soloq to get that plat rank believing without him I could get there. I spend that day grinding for a little over 7 straight hours in a row (I don’t recommend someone else ever does it) and then I got there plat 1 I reached it. I then played the days after getting better and better and at the end my at that time perm tm8 got back. And welp he was not happy to be exact he was livid how dare I que without him. He wanted me to help him get to p1 and I did not think I would be difficult welp sadly it was he could not hit p1 before the season ended. The next season was rough I was losing and winning that was until I met my perm tm8s friend who was an ex gc at that time. But oh boy was he still skilled, he decided to 2 vs 1 us every now and then and with new found inspiration to beat him I started training. That season I went from a plat 1 to diamond 1 I was over the moon it was then thou that my had a fall out with my “perm” tm8 he was still at plat 2 and he was struggling yet I had achieved in our eyes the higher ranks (believe was everything below plat 3 was lower ranks and d1 and up where the higher ranks). He was mad that he was not there and it did not help that the ex gc friend had started “coaching” me. Giving advice on what mechs to learn and what not. The season after that I grew apart from my tm8 I started to climb diamond going from d1 to d3 in 1.5 months and i was proud and when I played the ex gc I won in the 2 vs 1 with my now ex tm8. Yet beating him left me feeling empty this was it and yet it did not feel rewarding I wanted more. New goal reach gc before the end of the year, that season I peaked champ 1 it felt amazing. Yet the season afterwards my coach quit and I left my old tm8 cause welp a girl came and left my life and he got caught in the middle of it. this was my 3 season and I didn’t get to champ. Last season of the year everything came down to this and my first season without out anyone to talk to. I went crazy, losing matches winning grind 1s, I slowly started to even believe I had to “devour” my tm8s and opponents and be the best player on the field and that I didn’t need anyone. It seems to help hit c3 after 2th month of the season. 1 month 1 rank possible, yet this mentality got in the way. Started to realize after playing with gc that it was just a game no need to sweat it if I didn’t have sync with my tm8. And then I hit it gc last day of the season got the rewards and i just quit after claiming them. 3 years passed I for the first time started it back up. I made a new acc to just troll around I thought( welp trolling I did I trolled myself). I was back to a gold 3 skill level. Why you may ask welp not playing for a few years and I went from controller to kbm. Year passed 2024 now I started playing serious again I have a pc at this point and welp that year went decent. Until I fell into the habit of smurfing 3 months in. it was the only way I felt better. I sucked mech wise for my rank and I just didn’t put the energy in. time skip to December I got an opportunity to get an acc. Yet not some random on a steam acc. I got it, it felt like I was on top of the world. Yet it holds a special kind of feeling since it it comes from 2020 the time I started and has hit gc before a long time ago like I once did. Yet here comes the problematic feeling: steam accounts in my mind don’t and shouldn’t anything lower than gc hell it probably should be in ssl seeing it value in my mind.