PCITURE YOURSELF 5 YEARS FROM NOW HAVING CHANGED NOTHING - I will be 41 years of age, still working as a social worker for the same organization and from what is happening now within the organization, I doubt I will be chosen to become a supervisor as there are so many people waiting to be promoted. For sure, we are living in the same house, maybe driving a different car just our children being a bit older. We will be the leaders of the congregation my dad is retiring from, and I know for a fact that Jonnathan would have reached his dreams/ideals he has for himself and for us as a family because that is just the type of person he is. I would just be doing what I needed to cause that's exactly what's required of me in the comfort zone - I would be focussing on being a good mom, good wife, good social worker and good pastor's wife - but that's all my life would be about. Lost in the busy-ness of just being. THE COST - Freedom, reaching my full potential, confidence, time. WHO PAYS THE PRICE - My family, especially my girls - not illustrating to them how to be a mom owning her life to full capacity - taking up space, being and living to my full potential.

Q: WHO WOULD I HAVE TO BECOME FOR THIS TO FEEL EASY: Get and speak myself out of my own comfort zone. Ny comfort zone has cost me a lot of things I can see now over the years. It has protected me at certain instances when the territory is not familiar and when I get scared of what the outcomes might be - especially when I cannot see it or measure it. The comfort zone has deprived me in certain areas of my life where I want more and want to reach bigger goals. Voice = "It is okay till here; you are fine till here". My comfort zone has kept me both complicit and complacent and I have never realized just how harmful I have allowed it to be towards me. It has slowly destroyed the potential I know I can become. I can easily see my goals, envision it, plan for it, imagine it - but it is in the pursuing it - the journey, the process of attaining those goals that I usually get distracted or demotivated or don't pursue fully (Not sure if it makes sense, but I can see looking back exactly the problem and from the past days as well understand where it stems as well as roots from). ITS SHOCKING!!!!! Q: THE VERSION OF ME WHO ALREADY HAS WHAT SHE WANTS: She is that Elriza that doesn't dim her light, she owns and embraces her light and allows it to illuminate - not fearing the impact of the light on others. She is not afraid, she is not insecure, when opportunity arises she doesn't let it go she goes for it. She allows herself to fail, knowing she has tried and that it is not the end of the world; it won't define her. She no longer just sets goals and vision boards and gets distracted or demotivated or discouraged along the way - what she aims for and wants she goes for it; she pushes through her comfort even if it is uncomfortable. Q: NAME ONE THING SHE DOES DAILY BY DEFAULT THAT YOU CURRENTLY HAVE TO FORCE: Stop 2nd guessing yourself and push out of your comfort zone. Q: ONE DECISION YOU CAN MAKE TODAY, NOT AS THE OLD YOU, BUT AS THE NEW YOU, SIMPLY BEING YOURSELF: I can stay committed in believing and trusting in myself.

a) As long as I stay here, I never have to....MOVE OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE, MOVE OUT OF SAFETY OR MOVE INTO THE UNKNOWN. b) Protection is costing me... LIMITED TO NO GROWTH, STAYING SMALL, GIVING UP EASILY, ACCEPTING THINGS AS THEY ARE. c) Is the payoff worth the price - NO, NOT ALWAYS. I AM SHRINKING MY CAPABILITY, MY BELIEF IN MYSELF, THE TRUST I HAVE OF MYSELF THAT I CAN DO WHATEVER I PUT MY MIND TO. IT IS KEEPING ME STUCK; IT IS KEEPING ME BLOCKED.

Whose voice is it? A. The limiting belief = "We are not good enough": Sounds like my mom's voice and looking back I can see how she never really believed she was good enough herself. B. When did I learn this = I'm varsity and at the workplace as I got older and more mature to distinguish between race, class and social status. C. We are good enough. We can make this work. This space is also meant for people like us. We can thrive. We can succeed. We don't need to play small. We can take up the room. We are significant.

Three places I am holding back: A. Digital marketing: Visibility, not being confident and committed enough (My word for it = REALISTIC) [Real word =Fear and avoidance] B. My ministry: Not wanting the shine, not wanting to over excel. The shine and everything doesn't always need to be me or done by me, there are others. {Relates to the feeling I had in grade 9,dim my light so I can protect others in the room} (My word for it = HUMILITY AND FAIRNESS) [Real word = Avoiding] C. Workplace: I am good at what I do, I love my job, I love being able to make the change but I pushed myself in this space to excel, to grow intentionally and recently I have not received the post I had worked so hard for, sacrificed so much for and that's caused me great disappointment. (For the season of being shortlisted I pushed myself to want more, go for more, prove myself more - before this position was open I did what I always did, to the best of my ability and never really wanted recognition, cause it's my job, I get paid to do it. The extra hours, the innovation of programs, the ability to use my computer skills - all that made me what they called at work a "boffin" but I didn't need or welcome that shine cause for me I was always doing what I needed to do, even though it may have been much better than others) With the recent disappointment of not getting the promotion I literally got sick in my body due to not being able to handle the disappointment, so now again, I hide, because to me hiding is being realistic, being safer, being fair and protecting me from the hurt and shame.