I’ve uncovered another pattern underneath everything I’ve been sharing lately. In a previous post, I talked about some major money revelations, especially how I had been seeing money as a rescuer — something that would come in at the last minute, like the cavalry, to save the day. But when I looked at my current work situation, my marriage, and then all the way back to childhood, I realized this pattern goes much deeper. The pattern is this: the people and places I trust to hold me become unsafe. I trusted my mother to hold me, and she was unsafe for me emotionally and psychologically. I trusted my marriage to hold me, and that became unsafe. I trusted this job to be a safe landing place, and now that feels shaky, too. So, this is not just about money. It is about a much older wound. I am not a religious person, but I grew up in Catholic school and something dawned on me...: do not worship false gods. As a child, I understood that very literally... As in, don't go into the forest and build a temple out of twigs and worship Jeff, the god of biscuits. But now, through everything I’ve been learning about awareness, transurfing, and a more expanded understanding of reality, I see it differently. I no longer believe God, Source, the Universe — whatever name you use — is something outside of me. I believe it lives within me. And if that is true, then every time I look outside myself to be rescued by money, a job, or a relationship, I am handing my power away. I am treating external things like saviors. I am honoring false gods. Because I can also see how often I have tried to create safety through appeasement: “Look, I’m being good. I’m helping. Please don’t let this end. Please still choose me.” I did that with my mother. I did that in my marriage. I’m doing that now with my job. But appeasement is not safety. Another thing I’m seeing clearly: support and rescue are not the same thing. Healthy support is beautiful. Rescue keeps me waiting, hoping, and outsourcing my power.

This showed up in my feed today and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I hope it helps someone else too. https://youtube.com/shorts/yqEMQ60c9bA?si=4DtZHBwiGRUgGQtZ

I wanted to share another money breakthrough, and it builds directly on my last post because I can see now that the pattern goes even deeper. In my earlier post, I talked about how money felt like a rescuer or savior to me, and how that tied back to old childhood patterns and a mother wound. But what hit me now is this: I've also been seeing money as an authority figure. In other words, --> Not just something I needed. Something I obeyed. I was letting money rule my emotions, dictate my choices, and instill fear in me. I was treating it like it had power over me. It's been my master, on a pedestal, completely taking over my life and choices. Money is not my master. I am not here to obey it. I manage my money. It obeys me. It is here as a tool/resource to support my life, not rule it with fear. That shift also makes so much sense in light of what I shared before about my mother wound. If money has felt like an authority figure, a rescuer, a punisher, or something that decides whether I’m safe, worthy, or okay, then of course the relationship has felt crappy. But I do not want to relate to money like a frightened child anymore. Money is not my savior. Money is not my authority. Money is not my master. I lead. I manage. I decide. I am the CEO of my life <-- (I credit this way of thinking to "Surrounded by Setbacks") Money follows my command.

Well, it's all really coming to light. This one might be a bit silly. But I've noticed that when I play video games (like the Sims 4, for example) I constantly start a new game with a poor Sim and have them work really hard toward riches... and once they are rich "enough," I stop playing because I find it boring. Guess it's time to see having money as interesting and sexy instead of boring because the challenge is gone.

I stumbled across this song today and this is the manifestation music that the world needs to hear. https://youtu.be/mPNZmEbSbFs?is=zXi97eJIJImbjokZ