Hi, I am Elijah. I live in Seattle with my wife. I am 51 I spend 40hrs a week as a firmware test engineer at a giant hardware company. The rest of my time is spent as a martial artist, a professional improviser, a snowboard instructor, and a very amateur guitarist. I have raised 2 grown boys who both live nearby. In October my step dad died of cancer and I had to take over the care of my mother who suffers from Lewy body dementia. Neither of my parents saved any money or did the usual things. My mom and step dad spent years traveling the world and living in exotic places. They lived very full lives, and I am now feeling as if I am wasting my life by not following their examples. I am feeling like I should be out seeing the world instead of working to pay bills. And yet I love the life I have and am grateful for the gifts I have lucked into. I am looking to find more gratitude for what I have and less grieving what I feel like I lost.