Summary of section 1 1. That I contemplated and planned out how I was going to commit some brutal  crimes against people, the first one was at 8/9 years old.  The next one at 11/12…the last serious one that had all the steps planned out was at the age of 24.  Wounds-abuse, confusion, mistrust, alienation 2. The wound is alienation…and it has continued into my adulthood , even into my marriage. 3. Unsent letter was sent to myself. 4. Before the wound I felt important and happy to exist in my world. 5. Moment everything changed is when I got beaten viciously and accused of being possessed by demons while I was simply living in my own imagination. 6. The experience took away trust in the one person in the one person in the world usually trusts…it also took away my reaction time because the things that were said to me left me in limbo, and I found myself always waiting and weighing  both sides of a situation before I move. 7. One thing that survived was my sense of positioning that I had always saw and declared all throughout my childhood, and up in my adulthood.  I never ceases from making  songs, even immediately after the abuse. - now I feel authentic…where I can be as raw as I need to and the audience could feel my sincerity…but I am healed and no longer walking around with a chip on my shoulder.,

First single released under new movement! Something that's never been heard in the universe! Composed, Written, Arranged, Produced by Ya Boy. https://pastornate.bandcamp.com/album/i-pray

I promise I won't wrote a book every time! LOL BEFORE IT HAPPENED: DAILY INTENTION Remember who you were. SOUNDTRACK: The Awakening This song reminds me of my birth and early years as a child. For one, because the beat is sampled from Age Of Aquarius/Let The Sunshine In, which came out the year I was born, and I was born under the astrological sign of Aquarius in 1969. My mother was heavy into Astrology and used to always call me “My Little Aquarius”, so I knew early on what I was. I actually felt like the song was about me, a few years later the stage musical HAIR came out. I must have been about three or four years old. We went to see it as a family. I don’t know who my parents knew, but we sat up in the Producer’s booth and watch it from there. I remember the nude dancers dancing under the red light. I really felt like the world was my oyster and I was it’s V.I.P. I remember the week I turned 4 years old. My birthday is February 16. I remember a few days before my birthday my older brother coming home from school with all the Valentine’s Day cards he got. I remember looking at them and saying out loud ‘When I look at these cards I keep seeing birthday cakes in my eyes”….that’s because I had already assimilated that day to my birthday. Then that night, my dad came home with a bog velvet heart shaped box of candy for my mother. Somehow it still made ME feel special. Perhaps, unconsciously because I felt safe in a loving family, but also because I still felt like it was MY day too, so whatever was done on Valentine’s Day also pertained to me. Then to top it all off, I remember walking outside the back door on my 4th birthday, and I was greeted by a bunch of kids sitting on a picnic blanket on the grass yelling “SURPRISE!” . They had thrown me a surprise party. These weren’t even my friends because I was only 4…these were my older brother and his friends, but my parents has set it up. We all sat around eating cake, ice cream and drinking juice, and once again, my heart was overwhelmed with a joy I never felt because they were all there for my sake.

Protect your dream the same way you'd protect someone you love. Feed it. Work on it. Believe in it. Not everyone has to understand your vision. Just don't stop believing in yourself. 😉🫶

Wow. This process is causing me to dig up songs that I wrote AND composed in my head years ago that I never produced, but they fit perfectly with these sound tracks. I'm in LOVE! (with this process). DAY 6 WHAT I LOST DAILY INTENTION Naming the loss. For me it was the loss of love…not the love that was being given to me, but I lost the love that I once had to give. SOUNDTRACK: Lost My Love DAILY ACTION Everything the experience took from you. My most honest list consists of losing the following: “The Hope Of Living Much Longer” “Trust” “Custody of my daughter” “My family unit” “Companionship” “Motivation” “Self Control” “Tolerance for bull shit, at even the slightest degree” AFFIRMATION “Naming a loss does not make me weak.” MY RESOLVE: “I still know how to love. I am open to trust again, under the right circumstances”.