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A Calmer Way to Live

57 members • Free

1 contribution to A Calmer Way to Live
The Advice Trap
Here's something I had to learn the hard way. I used to spend a lot of energy thinking about what the people around me needed to change. My spouse could be more this. My colleague should stop doing that. If only this situation were different, everything would be better. And then at some point it hit me: I was an expert on everyone else's growth and a complete amateur when it came to my own. It's one of the easiest traps to fall into because it feels productive. It feels like you're being thoughtful and caring. But really it's just a way of avoiding the harder question, which is: How am I showing up? Not how is everyone else showing up. How am I? That shift changed more in my life than any piece of advice I ever gave anyone else. Be honest: do you spend more time thinking about what the people around you should change, or what you should change?
0 likes • 5d
I think there is a big difference between personal and professional expectations/change that we seek... When I take over a market and make my first visit, I often ask the staff this question - "what would you change?" 10 out of 10 times, the person(s) will tell me about what was/is wrong with the company, etc... and then I would follow up with the following "i didnt ask you what should the company do differently" I asked what would you change - as in, what would you do differently about xyz, etc... I want them to see themselves first, before they look at others. You have to know yourself before you can know others. Additionally, from a business/expectation perspective, I want my team to know that i have set a level of TRUST in my team to meet their growth/goals... if I trust them, I believe they will be more inclined to meet the TRUST i put in them, versus meet the expectations I have set. It is more difficult to let someone down if they trust you,..Maybe this doesnt make sense to others, but it works for me :)
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Ed Gershman
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@ed-gershman-3455
Trying to leave a small yet positive impact on the people around me

Active 5d ago
Joined Jun 9, 2026
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