Becoming the man I want to be, not made to be

Hey, my name is Drizzt. What brought me here? I’d say an eager desire for change, for a change within myself. I grew up in a pretty bad home, I was stripped away from my mother at a young age. For 13 years I endured harsh verbal, mental, emotional, and even psychological abuse from my aunty who had adopted me. I grew up being told I was the problem, that I wasn’t good enough. I was told I was going to fail in life. I was told I wasn’t worth the time and effort. 3 years ago I moved back with my mom, it took hard sheer willpower to do it. Where I lived at the time, my aunty still had full rights over me. I told her I was going to go to my mom, and she absolutely denied this. She said no way. So she kicked me out, 15 mins to pack my bag. I had nowhere to go but the homeless shelter. I was homeless for a couple months, and the only reason my mom couldn’t get me, was because my aunty said she’d claim abduction. The ministry was on my auntys side too. I fought hard and long, and finally the ministry gave in. Now I’ve began my healing journey but I seem to get stuck in a lot of places. Firstly, my mindset. I’ve inherited that belief system that I am not worth it, that I will fail. Because of this I have terrible anxiety, and often self sabotage myself in relationships, workplaces, anywhere I feel anxious and have something to prove. Quite honestly I’m sick of it, I don’t want to be miserable. I’m ready for change. It’s going to be exceptionally hard, but with hardship comes ease. That’s one lesson I’ve learnt the best.