Late-diagnosed here, so I've racked up way more years without meds than with. There's a box of ritalin in my cupboard slowly creeping toward its expiry date, which probably tells its own story. What your post made click for me: I think my vaping is basically stimming. Nervous-system regulation I never had a name for. CBT gave me solid tools and they genuinely help, but you're right, they never reached that layer. You can't reframe your way out of a body that's been bracing for years. Quitting the vape is my 2027 goal, and part of me already knows the real work is finding another way to give my nervous system what it's actually been asking for the whole time.

This really resonates with me. For years, I believed I was "too much". Too intense, too emotional, too chaotic, too impulsive. At the same time, I often felt like I was never enough either. Not organised enough. Not calm enough. Not consistent enough. It wasn't until my diagnoses (ADHD, BPD and PTSD) that I started to realise how much of that image had been shaped by other people's expectations. People often reflected back the parts of me they struggled with, not necessarily the parts that also make me strong. My brain moves at a hundred miles an hour. I overthink. I feel things deeply. I connect dots that others don't always see. Those same traits also helped me complete a programming degree while working full-time, build my own business, and solve complex problems that others get stuck on. I'm still figuring out who I am without all the "you should..." voices running in the background. But one thing I've learned is that many of the things I spent years criticising myself for are simply traits that become strengths when they're in the right environment. Maybe they really were wonky mirrors. ❤️

Sixteen is the part that stops me. Getting handed "borderline" at sixteen, which is about the most stigmatized label you can put on a teenage girl, and then watching it shapeshift for a decade. Borderline, bipolar, and finally the thing that actually fit: severe ADHD with a little autism. That's not a clean medical journey. That's ten-plus years of being told the wrong story about yourself by the people who were supposed to know. Which makes the anger from your message read differently to me now. Of course there's anger without an address. The address is a whole system that kept guessing wrong while you were the one living inside the guesses, building the elaborate systems, losing the phones, carrying it as character flaw instead of wiring. "Everything fell into place" tracks. There's the relief of finally getting the right map. But I'd guess it doesn't come alone, that it shows up next to something heavier, like looking back at all the places you reached with the wrong map and doing the math on how much less it could've cost you. And choosing intensive therapy over medication isn't the soft option, whatever anyone implies. It's the slower, harder, do-the-actual-reps road. That's a decision, not a default. I'm not going to pretend I've stood where you're standing. But I can hear this without smoothing it out. So, if you want to keep going: what did the last diagnosis actually explain for you? Not the clinical version. The thing you'd been quietly filing under "what's wrong with me" that turned out to just be how you're built.

@June Moverley I know exactly how you feel. This is why your community (and mine 🙈) should exist. People have to know they're not alone. We're not here to diagnose anyone, but we've been through it, we get it.

I know it's already Saturday, but heck 😃 My mornings usually also start with a short walk with my dogs, but this weekend is a bit different, because we have a visitor. Lisa is a paralyzed little girl. She survived 10 long years on the streets in Greece, but got run over about 3 months ago, and has now travelled to Belgium/The Netherlands to get the best care possible. I love doing this, but it's also very overwhelming because my daily routine is just gone for now. But I know who I'm doing it for and that makes it bearable.

@June Moverley 24h later we have big news 😁 today she's leaving to an amazing, experienced foster where she will be able to stay as long as needed. My guess is she'll turn into a foster fail. We don't like moving dogs around too much, but her previous foster just dumped her at my place, and I don't have the time nor the mental capacity to take care of a special needs dog. This isn't for the weak 🙈