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MSc Psychology & Behaviour Analyst For coaches tired of clients who 'get it' but can't do it Master the science of behaviour change

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Make habits actually stick for your coaching clients
This is a most common failure point in coaching: Imagine your coaching client had a breakthrough. They did the hard thing. ...and two weeks later, they're right back where they started. ๐Ÿ‘‰ It happens because the change wasn't โ€œembeddedโ€. It never became a real habit. This brings us to the final, and most crucial, step of ๐—ฅ๐—˜๐—ช๐—œ๐—ฅ๐—˜: ๐—ฅ๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—ฑ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—˜๐—บ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ. This is where the actual "rewiring" happens. If your client tries a new behaviour and you say nothing, that habit will wither and die. You can't just plant the seed and walk away. You have to be an Active Gardener. You have to water the new habit with intentional, positive feedback. ๐Ÿ“ข Here's how you do it: ๐Ÿญ. ๐—ฆ๐˜๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐˜ ๐—ฅ๐—ถ๐—ฑ๐—ถ๐—ฐ๐˜‚๐—น๐—ผ๐˜‚๐˜€๐—น๐˜† ๐—ฆ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐—น๐—น. If a client does zero minutes of exercise, don't ask for sixty. Ask for five. We need to build a staircase of successes. The goal is to make the next step so easy they can't possibly fail. ๐Ÿฎ. ๐—ฃ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐—ถ๐˜€๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—˜๐—ณ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐˜, ๐—ก๐—ผ๐˜ ๐—๐˜‚๐˜€๐˜ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ข๐˜‚๐˜๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฒ. If your client makes 10 sales calls and gets 10 rejections, that is a massive win. Because they showed the courage to do the uncomfortable task. That's what you reinforce. - Instead of: "๐˜Ž๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ซ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฃ ๐˜ด๐˜ช๐˜จ๐˜ฏ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ค๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต!" - Try: "๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ ๐˜ช๐˜ฎ๐˜ฑ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ถ๐˜ค๐˜ฌ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ฉ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ ๐˜ด๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜ด ๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ช๐˜ต ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜จ๐˜ฉ. ๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ'๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜จ๐˜ฐ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ณ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ." ๐Ÿฏ. ๐— ๐—ฎ๐—ธ๐—ฒ ๐—ฆ๐˜‚๐—ฐ๐—ฐ๐—ฒ๐˜€๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฃ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ต ๐—ผ๐—ณ ๐—Ÿ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜ ๐—ฅ๐—ฒ๐˜€๐—ถ๐˜€๐˜๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ฒ. By starting small and relentlessly reinforcing the effort, you are building an environment where the new habit is no longer something they have to use willpower for. It's just what they do. This is the final 'R' in REWIRE: R = Recode and Embed. The Complete ๐š๐™ด๐š†๐™ธ๐š๐™ด Model: - ๐™ ecognise the Fusion - ๐™€ xpose the Frame - ๐™’ ork with Discomfort - ๐™„ dentify Value-Driven Action - ๐™ ecode and ๐™€ mbed Look at a client you're working with right now. What is the one habit they always start but can never make stick? How can you apply โ€œRecode and Embedโ€ to help them this week? Drop your thoughts below ๐Ÿ‘‡ This is post 5 of 5 on the REWIRE Method.
Make habits actually stick for your coaching clients
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Coach your clients with values not a to-do list
Our job as coaches is to help clients use their core values as a compass to guide every action they take. This is the fourth step of REWIRE: Identify Value-Driven Action. ๐Ÿงญ What is a Values Compass? Values give us direction. I personally hate doing my bookkeeping. It's a boring, tedious chore. But one of my core values is "Security for my family." This helps me to reframe the task: "Doing these books isn't just data entry. It's the act of building a stable future for the people I love." The task hasn't changed โœ”๏ธ. But its meaning has โœ…. It's no longer a chore to be avoided; it is a meaningful act of love. (In the science behind REWIRE, this is known as transforming of stimulus function). Pay attention to why your clients are doing the work. - Are they doing it because they "should," - Or because they want to please you?ย  That's a recipe for burnout. Or are they doing it because they can see how each step, no matter how small, leads them closer to the "treasure" they actually want? That's when the motivation comes from within. That's when it lasts. ๐Ÿ“ข This is the 'I' in REWIRE: I = Identify Value-Driven Action. By using values as a compass, we help clients find purpose in the mundane. We build lives that aren't just successful, but are deeply meaningful. When you talk to your clients about their values, what comes up most often? Is it freedom, family, impact, or something elseโ“ Drop your thoughts below ๐Ÿ‘‡ This is post 4 of 5 on the REWIRE Method. This previous post in the series covers the 'W' in REWIRE This next post in the series covers the 'R/E' in REWIRE Join Psychological Flexibility ๐Ÿ’ซ
Coach your clients with values not a to-do list
Is your client on the 'Hamster Wheel of Fear'?
How do you help someone push through when a task is genuinely hard or they find it boring? The natural human instinct is to tell them to "just do it." But behavioural science shows us this rarely lasts. Building a business is uncomfortable. If your client's main goal is to avoid discomfort ๐Ÿ›‘, they will never succeed. This is why you must teach them how to work with discomfort, not run from it. ๐Ÿ“ข This brings us to the third step of REWIRE: Work with Discomfort. A lot of high-achievers are stuck on what I call the Hamster Wheel of Fear. They work incredibly hard, but they're only running to escape the fear of failure or the shame of falling behind. Their life is defined by what they're running away from. The second the fear fades, their effort stops. They're powered by negative reinforcement, and it's a completely unsustainable way to live. Our goal is NOT to pretend the hard work is fun. It's to change the meaning of the work. We do this by connecting today's boring task directly to their biggest future goal. We build a mental bridge so the payoff of that future goal feels real, ๐™ง๐™ž๐™œ๐™๐™ฉ ๐™ฃ๐™ค๐™ฌ. For example: "๐˜ ๐˜ฌ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ข๐˜ฌ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ 10 ๐˜ด๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜ด ๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ด ๐˜ด๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜บ. ๐˜‰๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ฉ '๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ' ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ฅ๐˜ข๐˜บ ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฅ๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ข ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต๐˜ด ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ค๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ '๐˜บ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด' ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ง๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ ๐˜ง๐˜ข๐˜ฎ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜บ'๐˜ด ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฅ๐˜ข๐˜บ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜น๐˜ต ๐˜บ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ณ." Suddenly, the discomfort of the call isn't a stop sign. It's a signal of progress. It's workable. โœ… This is the 'W' in REWIRE: W = Work with Discomfort. When you teach clients to sit with the hard parts, you give them a superpower. - They no longer need perfect conditions or a burst of motivation to take action. - They can do the boring tasks because they understand exactly why those tasks are the building blocks of their dreams. What is the most common uncomfortable task your clients run from? Is it making sales calls, doing their bookkeeping, or creating content? Let me know below. This is post 3 of 5 on the REWIRE Method. This previous post in the series covers the 'E' in REWIRE
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Is your client on the 'Hamster Wheel of Fear'?
Why your clients lose focus (and the Science to fix it)
Have you ever got a client super excited on a call, only for them to do nothing by the next session? Itโ€™s frustrating. It's confusing. And it happens because of the Matchstick Myth. When we rely purely on motivation, we are lighting a matchstick. It is a bright, hot flash of energy ๐Ÿ”ฅ But if you have ๐ง๐จ๐ญ helped the client build any logs in their fireplace (real-world reward systems), that fire goes out quickly. The solution is not more motivation. It's better science. ๐Ÿ“ข People we support get stuck because of their own stories... One of the biggest barriers isn't a lack of motivation; it's that the person is completely trapped inside language. Theyโ€™ve convinced themselves a story they are telling is 100% true. ๐ŸŸ  In the behavioural science behind REWIRE, this is called: ๐™๐™ช๐™จ๐™ž๐™ค๐™ฃ. Fusion is when a personโ€™s identity becomes completely tangled up with a thought. Your first job as a coach is NOT to look for character flaws. It's to Recognise the Fusion. This is the very first step, the 'R' of REWIRE: R = Recognise the Fusion. Here's what it sounds like: - The Identity Trap: "I am a procrastinator." They've fused their sense of self to a negative label, making change feel impossible. - The Emotion Trap: "I am anxious." They've fused their "self" with a feeling, believing they cannot act until the feeling goes away. โœ… As a REWIRE Coach remember: ๐™‡๐™–๐™ฃ๐™œ๐™ช๐™–๐™œ๐™š ๐™ž๐™จ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™ฉ๐™š๐™ง๐™ซ๐™š๐™ฃ๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ค๐™ฃ. Your goal is ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ต to fight the "bad" thoughts. It's to change the relationship your client has with them. We help them see that the "anxious" thought or the "procrastinator" label is just a passenger on their bus. The passenger might be shouting, but your client is still the driver. This shift moves the problem from being internal ("I'm broken") to an external thing they can manage. When you listen to your clients, which "I am..." labels do you find they are most stuck on? Is itv - an identity ("I am a perfectionist") or - an emotional state ("I am overwhelmed")?ย  Drop your thoughts below ๐Ÿ‘‡
Why your clients lose focus (and the Science to fix it)
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2 likes โ€ข 8d
@ร–mรผr YanฤฑkoฤŸlu thank you so much for your interest ๐Ÿ™ We have so many cognitive biases to cope with as well. I think ๐Ÿค” there were 187 last time I looked. Or perhaps that's a police radio code in the US ๐Ÿค”
๐Ÿ”ฅ
1 like โ€ข 8d
Next the 'E' in REWIRE posted here
Stop shouting at the plant: Why 'willpower' is not the problem
What do you do when a client knows exactly what they need to do... but still avoids doing it? Many of us were taught to look at a lack of willpower or a bad mindset. But the best coaches intuitively know that if a plant in a greenhouse is failing to grow, you don't shout at it to "try harder." ๐ŸŒป You check the soil, the water, and the temperature. When a client is stuck, it's almost never an effort problem. It's an environmental problem. This brings us to the second step of REWIRE: Expose the Frame. Exposing the Frame means finding the hidden logic that's secretly running your client's life. Here are two common "Frames" I see all the time: ๐Ÿ˜จ The Stress Trigger - Think of an email inbox. It's just a neutral list of text. - But for someone who has accidentally linked their inbox to angry clients or unexpected bills, that list feels like a threat. - Their brain changes the meaning of the little email icon, turning it into a danger signal. (In behavioural science, this is called Transformation of Stimulus Function). - They're not avoiding the work. They're avoiding the very real internal stress response the work triggers. (In REWIRE, running from your own internal discomfort is called Experiential Avoidance). ๐Ÿชค The Guilt Trap - Many high-achievers are trapped in a cycle where they only work to please an inner critic or to avoid feeling guilty.ย  - Their "motivation" is actually just fear of getting in trouble.ย  - This guarantees they will burn out or crash the moment nobody is watching. (In the REWIRE, we identify this as Pliance, the name for a specific type of rule-following). As a coach your job is to expose these hidden frames for your client. Once you show them that their avoidance is a completely logical, predictable response to their environment, the shame disappears. They stop seeing themselves as a "lazy procrastinator" and start seeing the real enemy: a faulty frame. This is the first 'E' in REWIRE: E = Expose the Frame. What are the most common "stress triggers" you see in your daily lives?
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Stop shouting at the plant: Why 'willpower' is not the problem
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Des Cooke
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