Trauma seems to not skip anyone, therefore it’s a topic that each one of us and more should really recognize, admit it and find the ways to learn to move past it. I do think I carry a lot of that into adult life and into relationships. Where I fall back on it, remember it then pull away. For me I feel I have lost the safety in being close to others. It’s takes so long to trust someone even half way because of the trauma, which brings reflection, then panick mode then back up then, pull away. I am working on trying to become so internally safe that I am ok with it all. It’s a work in progress that will likely last my lifetime, but I am learning now to understand the triggers and what that means to my growth therough it instead of just letting it take over. I am writing and hopefully that will be a great way to release the past visions and moments in my life that hang on so tightly. To let it leave my head for good and know it’s ok to have had those worries once. Nature is the blessing that allows for that breath to just flow. I plan to spend more time just getting closer to it to allow the fresh essence of what wonders that brings to heal the heart.

Biggest goal is to allow myself to come back to the reality of me. To actually flow through my days without any anxiety and learn to live better with all the thoughts constantly bomnarding me in my mind. To choose quieter paths to walk and just go with the flow. One step in front of the other maybe with a path that is not urgent in my mimd right now while focusing entirely on my health and wellbeing and getting the me self back on track. It’s working with grace and at a pace that feels correct for me. Up at night: the change in life that has happened this year which is truly a gregarious change once again into a new world and life unknown. It seems like this type of growth is constant in my life, I embrace it all, and sometimes I veer off course just to reflect and live in the moments that don’t keep me on track. It is a battle between thinking and doing sometimes but not one that will deter me. It’s just a heaviness that will dissipate in time. All that’s needed is time, and I know that. Been there done that. Repeat!!! Magic wand: well it’s to see everyone around me happy and healthy and to know that I am also doing what I can to be that too. To open my heart again in time and just flow without worrying about who or what is trying to pull one over my eyes. It seems far fetched to believe in the innocence of a child again. I’m trying to get back to her, where you meet people without wondering, questioning what is hiding behind their back to throw at you. To just trust that I have my own back and sometimes that is enough. This journey of self discovery to be the happiest with whats in my heart. Children are truly the key, they make this life blessed because they see the world with wonder foe what it is and for which a lot of us have lost along the way. I won’t stop looking for that wonder. For it’s out there just waiting for me to sense it and flow with it naturally. Manifesting techniques not working: I think eventually they do all work in time. It’s time that maybe doesn’t work in favour of manifesting. Meaning we, in our minds may have a timeline to what we manifest and when we don’t see results we come to the realization that it’s not happening , but that is far from the truth. We simply need to sit with things longer and in the knowing that what you wish will come some day, it will happen. Time is only your enemy if you let it be. Things will always come in divine timing and being patient enough to manifest and believe is the key….in time.

When we “unfold” you so expertly say, we learn to live with the new creases of life. Where the unfolding allows for crusty critters to dissipate and leave, allowing those folds to open up and become straighter lines of movement. Finally got to this and thanks. Been fun catching up.

I hope to do it tonight as I relax in another new location. Moved again. Whew, more moves than an fox chasing a rabbit. I feel like this year is about finding the right path forward. Instead of row row row your boat, I’m singing move move move your butt…… well at least I can find the humour in it. Toot-a-loo until later…have a great day.

@Antoni S Pellegrino yes totally Canadian metaphor. Your right. Lots of changes and so many things being thrown your way. I am actually jumbled in my head right now. So much learning and figuring out which ones to focus on. I have to cut out somethings, I am overwhelmed by the intensity of all this new learning. I am gonna drop to a few things and focus on those. No more new webinars, new info. My mind is driving into overtime and my home situation constantly chaotic is getting in the way of sit down focus. I hope in the next few days while I figure that end out things start to align again. A routine, a good head space and back to doing the things I love. Like swimming…and gonna start biking. It’s all good though, I just took on too much and now I’m jumbled. Back to basics and yes this community helps a lot. Thanks for your advice and comments, it’s much appreciated.

So on par for my rest this moment as I finally read into what I didn’t want to see or hear. Today i could no longer live in the loop. No longer was I expanding, I was shrinking again. So I woke up today made the decision to end the loop on two fronts and so be it. I am moving and I said goodbye for good. I also let go of what hurt me, so that I can live without the heaviness created by the situation. I feel lighter right now. Ready to drive to my new destination, to begin with a new sense of relief amongst family and friends who lift me up. I can breathe a sigh of relief and I wish to keep all that air to myself right now.