As a leader, sometimes we feel like we “have” to do things. Try switching that statement to “I get to” do something. As a high school football coach, I often hear players complaining that they have to practice. Coaching for 20 years I hear for so many kids that no longer play the game and talk about how much they miss it and didn’t realize how much they loved it while they were in the middle of doing it. Now, when I hear kids complain about practicing, I approach them and tell them the story of my middle son who misses football dearly. And I tell them once football is over it’s over. It’s not like other sports where you can play “pick up” games as an adult. I asked them to shift their mindset to, “I get to” practice today. It’s shocking how different they respond afterward. Try it. “I have to” have that hard conversation with a team member. Shift it to, “I get to” have that tough conversation. That conversation is one step closer to a positive outcome and a shift to a better behavior. You got the job that you once “hoped” for. You received a promotion that you were extremely excited for. You likely gained more income due to that promotion. You had dreams of how you could help people or grow the business. Try it this week at work and your personal life. “I get to……”

It’s not what your teams say on Monday, it’s how your team’s feel on Sunday.

I spent three years as a top producer under a great leader. Then a reorg moved me under a command and control micromanager. Same skills. Same work ethic. Same person. I was miserable within months. Gone within a year. Nobody handed me a new set of skills in that reorg. What changed was the leader. You can’t outwork a bad environment. Development isn’t just coaching the individual. It’s building the environment that lets the coaching stick. If you want to know why someone’s performance dropped, don’t just look at them. Look at who’s leading them.

Nice and kind are not the same thing. Nice avoids the hard conversation. Kind has it. I watch leaders confuse the two all the time. They think staying quiet is protecting the relationship. It's not. It's avoidance wearing a leadership costume. You may intend to protect someone by staying quiet. The impact is they never find out what's actually holding them back. Intent and impact are not the same thing either. Development requires the conversation nice leaders skip. When you finally have it, remember: it's not what you say, it's how you say it. Nice keeps the peace today. Kind builds the person for tomorrow.

How often do these happen?