We have been exploring attachment styles in Trauma Informed Parenting When we talk about attachment, we're talking about a child's sense of safety in relationships. Attachment isn't about how much a child loves us. It's about what their experiences have taught them to expect from the adults around them. For children like my son, impacted by trauma, neglect, loss, abuse, multiple caregivers, or disrupted relationships, attachment can be complicated. 🌱 Secure Attachment A child with secure attachment generally believes: 💜 "Adults will help me when I need them." 💜 "My feelings matter." 💜 "I am safe and lovable." These children usually find it easier to seek comfort, explore independently, and return to their caregiver when they need support. 🌱 Anxious Attachment A child with anxious attachment may worry that connection could disappear at any moment. You might see: 💜 Clinginess 💜 Difficulty separating 💜 Constant reassurance seeking 💜 Big emotional reactions to perceived rejection Underneath is often the question: "Will you still be there for me?" 🌱 Avoidant Attachment A child with avoidant attachment may appear very independent. You might hear: 💜 "I don't need help." 💜 "I'm fine." They may push adults away when upset or struggle to accept comfort. Underneath is often the belief: "I've learned I can only rely on myself." 🌱 Disorganised Attachment This is common in children who have experienced significant trauma. These children often want connection desperately but also fear it. You may see: 💜 Pushing you away and then seeking you out 💜 Extreme reactions 💜 Difficulty trusting 💜 Controlling behaviours 💜 Seeming "all over the place" emotionally Underneath is often the confusion: "I need adults to feel safe, but adults haven't always been safe." When my adopted son first came home at 2 years old, I would describe his attachment style as largely disorganised.

Today in Therapist Community TPS we are exploring the topic of attachment in the therapy room. Many of us are familiar with attachment theory and routinely consider a client's attachment style when formulating their difficulties. But perhaps a more challenging question is: What happens when we consider our own attachment style in the therapy room? Attachment patterns do not disappear simply because we become therapists. For example: 🌱 A therapist with more anxious attachment tendencies may find themselves over-functioning, worrying excessively about clients, or struggling when clients disengage. 🌱 A therapist with more avoidant tendencies may feel discomfort around dependency, emotional intensity, or prolonged therapeutic relationships. 🌱 Therapists with attachment trauma may notice strong countertransference responses when particular client presentations resonate with their own experiences. None of this is pathology. It is simply being human. Attachment is not only something our clients bring into the room. It is something that exists between therapist and client, co-created through the therapeutic relationship itself. The therapeutic alliance often becomes a living attachment experience where expectations, fears, relational patterns, and protective strategies emerge in real time. 💭 Reflection Question: When you think about your own attachment style, how do you see it showing up in your work as a therapist, counsellor, or coach? If you want to join in the conversation in more detail, join us for free today Therapist Community TPS

One of the most important concepts in trauma healing is attachment. This is our topic today in Trauma Healing Community VTT Attachment is the emotional bond we develop with the people who care for us when we are young. As children, we learn: 💜 Am I safe? 💜 Will someone come when I need them? 💜 Are my feelings important? 💜 Can I trust other people? 💜 Am I lovable? The answers to these questions become the blueprint for how we experience relationships as adults. When our caregivers were consistently available, emotionally responsive, and safe, we are more likely to develop a secure attachment. When our early experiences were more difficult, we may develop different attachment styles as adaptations to help us survive. A Simple Overview: Secure Attachment 🌱 "I am worthy of love, and other people can be trusted." People with secure attachment generally find it easier to trust others, communicate needs, and maintain healthy boundaries. Anxious Attachment 🌱 "What if they leave?" People with anxious attachment often fear rejection or abandonment. They may seek reassurance, worry about relationships, or feel highly sensitive to changes in connection. Avoidant Attachment 🌱 "I only have myself." People with avoidant attachment often learned that relying on others was unsafe or disappointing. They may appear highly independent and struggle to ask for help or express vulnerability. Disorganised Attachment 🌱 "I want connection, but connection feels dangerous." Often linked to trauma, abuse, neglect, or frightening caregiving experiences. People may find themselves both craving closeness and fearing it at the same time. 💡 The important thing to remember is that attachment styles are not personality types and they are not life sentences. They are adaptive survival strategies that made sense at the time. Through safe relationships, therapy, self-awareness, and healing, attachment patterns can change. You are not broken.

Trauma Healing Community VTT is safe trauma-informed global family choosing to heal from the legacy of trauma, PTSD, and CPTSD together. Held by a trauma survivor and trauma therapist. Healing doesn't happen in isolation, it happens in safe connection. Welcome home 💚

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