My main suggestion would be to break down your paragraphs a bit more. Walls of text result in information being glossed over. Maybe break the paragraphs up? The story of Aloysius Bringstik could be separated into two paragraphs, I think, starting at "Now, the smart thing...". I also think word choice of words could be improved. I can hear *you* in this, not the character. For example, the use of the phrase "prime example" sounds like Jonah Wisneski. :) I don't imagine a person in the country saying "this is the prime example". Is there a more "folksy" way of saying it so that the reader knows the narrator is also a country man? Also, saying "the story of Aloysius Bringstik" is a bit on the nose. There is probably a way to weave in the information without doing a full exposition dump. On the dead man's description: "His nose protruded because it hung from an angle." could have more oomph. I think you could probably lean a bit more into the gruesome descriptions here. Give the reader the creeps. It is also a very abrupt paragraph: lots of short sentences that, as a result, don't really hit the reader hard because they are so short and similar to each other. "Oh, he has white hair"; "Oh, his eyes are pale"; "oh, he has no lips." The freakiest part was the worm in his cheek, and that was because the sentence was written differently than the others (and it ended the paragraph) so it stuck out more. Those are just my thoughts! I thought it was very interesting!