This question came to my mind during the dyad exercise today. I can distract myself and avoid doing whatever triggers suffering. For example, Since I am anxious about dating, then I just don't do it. However, I do want to date and something is wrong if I don't even try. This internal conflict becomes another source of suffering. To deal with this new suffering, I distract myself with some activity so I would not think about my life. When I heard Peter said "just stop the suffering", I thought it meant I could do it in anyway I could. So I could stop looking for dates and stop the suffering, or stop socializing and stop the suffering. I can stop doing anything that has suffering in the thought of doing it, but I can only go so far before I become I unhappy living that way. It might be possible to separate the thought of doing something from the doing itself, but I don't know how. For example, when I am hungry, a thought about eating comes up, and I go eat. However, if I was obese or had body dysmorphia, my thinking would go down a negative spiral of self criticism and suffering. I have not found a way to break such chain of thought from the initial thought "I want to do to X". To be blunt, I am tired of trying to sift through the mess of the thought chain and try to find the weakest link to break, or trace the tangled mess to the source, the bottom line. I want to throw all of it in the trash so to speak, and start anew. So far I have not been able to free myself from the thought chain. I speculate that it is tied to my identity somehow. This would mean I would have to start a new identity from scratch. I don't know if I can do that. It sounds like I am trying to do eye surgery on myself by looking at a mirror.

I'd like to start doing partner contemplation weekly to get the ball rolling. I consider myself a beginner in this work. I've done one ENB workshop a couple years ago. I'm working on the question "who am I" and would like to have a listening partner to help me focus. I live in the U.S. and am can be flexible with weekday schedule on top of weekend availability. Thanks!