I would just like to share some stuff that I'm really struggling bad with yet can't seem to fully open up. Although I have full understanding of why, this last near death experience I had is just dragging me down. Nothing about it was pleasant and the things I saw and the noises I heard just won't leave. There were a couple scenes from the movie Passion of the Christ which were perfectly set in that experience. I don't like the word Hell but I'm almost certain that's where I was this time. I know it sounds crazy and I feel like I'm crazy at times but other than talking to someone super close to me, this is the only space I feel I can safely let it out without being judged. I haven't been able to sleep right and I admit I have been using a lot of sleeping pills just to get a few hours every night. This year totally broke me but it also built me to a strength I never knew I had. Yes I am incredibly proud of myself I was able to let go of the things that haunted me for years providing relief and finally be able to move forward. For the very first time ever, the chains that were holding me down finally broke and I am free. I think I'm just having a really hard time accepting it all and I am asking for help from anyone in this circle.

I got 11 hrs of uninterrupted sleep so I'm feeling pretty confident this morning. Gonna work on filling my cup back up today. Have a beautiful day everyone.

Good afternoon everyone’s having a good Wednesday so far I’ve been doing a lot of organizing this morning at my house. The weather is getting chilly so I’m putting on my spring summer shirts away. Also, I pampered my kitty this morning. Gave him a good brushing. He loves that about to do my trainings and then relax this evening watch some TV and do my coloring which I’d love to do that. Feeling sad today woke up happy and very positive like I always say today’s a new day or tomorrow’s new day is lol

Good evening, hope that everyone had a good day . Today I had a video interview for a cocktail waitress it was definitely different. I answered questions by recording a video then sent it to the company and said it takes two weeks to get back to me. I have applied to a few jobs the past few days . And I did more training today. And feeling down tonight as well . But I’m just trying my best and hope that tomorrow brings some light

Good morning and happy Tuesday. Hope everyone has a wonderful day today yesterday went to a job fair and applied to a few jobs. I got a video interview today from the casino that is close by to me maybe a 30 minute drive or less for a cocktail waitress hoping for the best is better than nothing at this time. I’m still doing my training for a job that I’m doing, but there’s lots of training involved so I won’t be able to work until all that done. I do have the job but I just have to finish up everything until then. I’m doing the best I can.