Here is the link to Mike’s post that I am refernecing in this video. https://www.skool.com/blendedfamilymomentum/james-1-faith-that-actually-shows-up-at-home?p=72f50899 I hope it helps you ♥️

Here is an issue that a lot of couples are living with, but very few feel comfortable talking about. Warning! This one is real and raw and hits close to home with many blended and non-blended families. Your church wont talk about it and your elders will push it aside. But we must bring it forward to find Gods path. Sexual discomfort after menopause is real, as is the Pain with intercourse. Men cant begin to understand the dryness, burning, irritation, and fear of pain. This is not a wife “being difficult.” This is not a husband “being needy.” This is a marriage dealing with a body that has changed. But here is where couples find trouble Painful intercourse and sexual abandonment are not the same thing. One involves wisdom. The other can become quiet neglect. Research backs up how serious this is. In the CLOSER survey, about 30% of North American women and men said vaginal discomfort was the reason they had ceased having sex altogether. Another CLOSER report found that 69% of women and 76% of male partners reported avoiding physical intimacy because of vaginal discomfort, mostly because of concern that sex would be painful. A UK-based survey also found that 42% of women with vaginal discomfort reported making excuses to avoid intercourse, and 60% said it affected their confidence. That is not a little problem. That's a potential marriage problem. And here is what's interesting. I could find numbers showing how many women avoid intimacy. I could find numbers showing how many couples stop having sex altogether. But I could not find solid numbers showing how many couples adapt by moving toward other forms of sexual contact, affection, or non-painful intimacy. That matters. Because the question is not simply, “Can we still do what we used to do?” Sometimes the answer may be no. and thats ok. The better question is, Can we still remain tender, honest, affectionate, and sexually connected while we figure out whats changed? Scripture does not treat the body like it does not matter. A husband is told, “So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies” (Ephesians 5:28, NASB).

1 John 4:18 (NASB) That’s not poetic. That’s the standard. If fear is present… love isn’t fully formed. Not my opinion. Gods standard. Most couples miss this. They think they can build a marriage where One walks on eggshells One holds back truth One fears rejection, withdrawal, or punishment …and still call it love. You can’t, and you shouldnt. Because fear and love don’t share space. John says perfect love casts fear out. It doesn't manage it. It doesn't negotiate with it. It drives it out. Why? Because fear is rooted in punishment. And when punishment is on the table… love shuts down. Now bring that into your marriage. If your spouse is afraid to Speak honestly Disagree openly Admit failure Be fully seen You don’t have a communication issue. You have a lack of love and a maturity issue. Look at David and Jonathan. Why was their bond so strong? Because there was no fear between them. No posturing. No punishment. No hidden agenda. Just loyalty, trust, and covenant-level commitment. That relationship doesn’t live where fear is present. Now bring it back to God. If you live like He’s waiting to punish you… you’ll never draw near. You’ll perform. You’ll hide. You’ll manage appearances. But you won’t rest. Because fear keeps distance. Love removes it. And here’s the truth You cannot claim to understand God’s love… and then run your marriage through fear. Silent treatment Emotional withdrawal Control Passive punishment That’s not love. That’s fear. Mature love says You are safe with me. Even when it’s hard. Even when it’s messy. Even when you fail. That’s how God loves His people. And that’s the standard He handed you. No fear. No punishment. No games. Just love that’s strong enough to make fear exit the room.

A week and a half ago, I got fired. And honestly… it was probably the one thing my old boss and I agreed on. I didn’t belong there. My wife and I had already been working on something for a couple of months before that. Not just a business idea… A way of thinking. It started after I landed in the ER with my heart out of rhythm. That’ll woke me up fast. And I made a decision If I’ve got another strong push left in me… it’s not going to be spent building someone else’s life. What's my point? I’ve always hated chess. I get it… strategy, thinking ahead, all that. But it always felt like a game designed to show you where you suck. And a lot of families are living like that right now. Every move feels like a reaction. Every conversation feels like a counter-move. Every mistake feels like you’re losing ground. That’s exhausting. There’s a scene in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan where Kirk talks about the Kobayashi Maru test. The unwinnable Star Fleet test. Everyone else learns to accept it. Kirk changes the program. Here’s the question Did he cheat… or did he refuse to accept a broken system? That’s what my wife and I are doing right now. Not just in business, but in how we live and lead our home. This isn’t strategy. This is design. Strategy says: “What’s my next move?” Design says: “Why are we even playing this game?” A lot of blended families are stuck trying to “win” inside a bad system that was never designed to work. Competing loyalties Old wounds Constant reaction instead of leadership You can’t out-strategize a broken structure. So we’re doing something different. We’re designing the win into the system. Clear roles Clear leadership Clear expectations Built on truth, not emotion Kirk didn’t cheat. He asked the question most people are too afraid to ask “Who says it has to be this way?” Same question applies to your home. Who says your marriage has to feel like a constant negotiation? Who says your family has to stay divided? Who says you’re stuck reacting instead of leading?

"Humble Yourself or Be Humbled” (1 Peter 5) He lays out leadership, humility, and spiritual warfare in a way most blended families need, but don’t always listen to Break it down to your home 1. Leadership Isn’t Control, It’s Responsibility (v.2–3) “Shepherd the flock… not under compulsion… nor yet as lording it over…” In a blended family, this is where men quickly get it wrong. You’re not there to dominate. You’re there to shepherd. Whats that mean? Protecting unity, not compliance Leading by example Earning trust, not forcing it Blended families don’t respond to authoritative posturing. 2. Humility Is the Make-or-Break Trait (v.5–6) “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Lets be blunt shall we... Most blended family conflict isn’t about the kids. It’s about two adults who refuse to find humility. “My way of parenting is right” “Your kids are the problem” “You don’t respect me” That’s pride. And God doesn’t negotiate with pride. If you want grace in your home, someone has to lower themselves. 3. Anxiety Will Eat Your Marriage If You Let It (v.7) “Casting all your anxiety on Him…” Blended families carry extra weight Loyalty conflicts Financial stress Discipline disagreements Past wounds If you don’t actively put that somewhere, you’ll dump it on each other. And nothing kills intimacy faster than unprocessed stress. 4. You Have a Real Enemy (v.8) “Your adversary, the devil, prowls around…” Here’s the part Christians ignore Not every conflict in your home is just “personality.” Some of it is spiritual warfare. Division in blended families is low-hanging fruit Step-parent vs. child Ex-spouse influence Comparison between households If the enemy can divide the house, he will. Stay alert. 5. Stability Comes Through Endurance (v.10) “After you have suffered for a little while…” Nobody wants this verse. But it’s our reality. Blended families are built, not blended overnight. There will be tension There will be setbacks