Sources of joy come and go. Kids do, but it changes form as they age. In my case, chess has brought me joy most of my life. What's one thing that's done it for you?

I am recovering from trauma, and parents fought a lot, there was a lot of tension in the house. Im 26 now, I have practiced boxing and currently judo. I'm not worried about physical altercations, nor about putting in effort for something, to make something happen. But I'm scared cause I have feeling/though/knowledge I can be hurt easily emotionally, if someone were to say something, have a negative opinion of me, or attack me that I'm selfish, and how bad I am for disappointing them. If that were to go, my life would be so renewed, so happy consistently and amazing. Cause rn it's just trynna avoid any such situations where somebody saying something or judging me will just mess up my emotional state and I won't feel better for rest of the day. I don't know what resources to look for on this situation anybody got an idea pls comment.

Anytime there's dysregulation it is due to identity. External circumstances making you believe a identity that is difficult. Validation is just believing. External validation is people helping you believe some identity about you, needing people to be a certain way for you to believe things about you.

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Wanting is sadness You resolve this sadness by devising a plan to get what you want, and getting what you want. When you get, you let go of wanting. And feel happy. But it's the letting go of the want that returns you to natural state of happiness. It's just when you get it, you are assisted by what you wanted in your letting go. When you unfortunately find it difficult to get what you want, you do not have the assist, in letting go. But it's letting go of wanting that returns you to happiness. When you think a relationship is going to make you happy, it's the one where your needs are going to be met, not just any relationship. You seek to fulfil your needs, somebody gives you what you wanted, you no more have a want, why? You let go of it. No more needed to hold it. Felt happy. You are seeking to let go of the needs, of being cared, of being appreciated cherished. Needs wants create sadness. Something happened made you feel uncared, unloved, unheard, unappreciated, uncherished, unliked.....u held on to it, stored it, now it creates wants. It's Your Attempt To Rebute That Original Memory where you felt that way. It's you/ego trying to control your identity, No I don't accept I'm uncherishable or unappraciable, I am and I'm gonna do something to make it that way. When it's only if you cling to the initial memory/trauma, that you will do this. Some things like self-defense, are okay, when ego tries to say that. But emotional needs are ego trying to have a particular identity, a identity that it thinks is safer one to have, so that you emotional feel well as well, and nobody can take advantage of you. Cause if I feel worthless or unlikable, I won't have ethe strongest body language. So in a way it still is working to help you and save you, and empower you, but, I could also just let go of these wants, by not clinging to the initials emotional wound memories, and be powerful as I was before them. A good relationship happening or not, is entirely based on factors not in control, you can't technique your way into it. So why live unhappy, by creating wants of something so uncontrollable, rather be happy all the way, if it happened midway good, if it didn't, you lived happy.