I miss the live chat. I remember when I first joined HighViber. I had a great time connecting with people. I remember opening up there and also going through some dark shit there to when I got totally lost in reality itself. When I witnessed the outside was a true reflection of my internal world. I know I sounded crazy to alot of people then but there was also people there that loved me where I was at. Thats what I miss, no matter where I was at in the process there was always someone there to reflect back to me what I was evolving from or graduating to. The journey is never over. I've been pretty secluded for over a year now. Figuring out who I am again. Its a much slower process without plant medicine. I've been sober since exiting Jail, I don't even remember fighting the cops, perhaps it was an alternate version of me. I do know this i will not ever again stay up for 3 nights in a row. My therapist said I had ptsd, and schizophrenic delusions. So I am sober now because I have to be to keep grounded and sain. The paranoid thoughts are still there they just don't consume me anymore.

I've been watching movies lately instead of scrolling through YouTube. I found this movie tonight called The One I Love. Had me thinking of alternate versions of ourselves. I definitely believe in this concept because I've lost and found myself many times in my life. It seems like people like me better at the version I am now. The more grounded, peaceful me. I do miss the old me who was more charismatic and dressed more well um definitely. The new me just wants to feel comfy doesn't really want to stand out. Someone did notice me though. He asked me if I played checkers, which I found odd. I'd never spoke to this person to which I said "no why?" He then said "I don't know its just how you carry yourself like you have some special skill. I looked at him with a confused face. He then said "Do you paint?" I said yes and the convo went on about what I paint. But how could he see me, who I was? Its not like I was wearing a sign on me saying I have some special skill. I was just wearing sweat pants and a Tshirt of a cat wearing sunglasses, sipping coffee with the words standing on business.

🤷 travel, experiences, meaningful relationships, art, food, laughter, beauty and raw and real experiences in nature 🌲🧘🌲 " Ah ya ⚡there it is, I can feel it, that's what happens when you're dealing with the real shit " https://youtu.be/vWCfoPyoPw4?si=dgYz2Ap5OTOn12hj

https://youtu.be/U8F5G5wR1mk?si=WRiCc4eedBFmoSAU

https://youtu.be/cy32cGBDVCA?si=G0PxK4vEnDR62iMA