what is going on? still working on the rework of the community?

So started falling off the routine when the big rewrite was happening so came back and did the evaluation and to no shocker it came back as a soloist. so half of the week one assigment start done. OBS, long read! And then i fell back on the problem i have had since i started this 60 something days ago, alongside this group i have been using "breaking the habit of being yourself" by Joe Dispenza to work on the mental part with meditation and disconneting some of the feelings from memories blabla. it was going well, meditad each morning, and followed the setup of reinventing myself by figuring out what was actually bothering me so much. The "problem" started in the part 7 of the meditation practice which is exactly what the evaluation and post eval task is: Who do i want to be??? I do not know... a little backstory: - I am born in poland, polish parents lived there for 5 years - we moved to germany(berlin) when i was 5, went to school and integrated well. at least at the level a polish person could at that time 1988 until 1998. polish were as welcome as mexicans in the us are these days. - family and i moved to Norway when i was 15 to a small town of 1500 people, learned norwegian ok first year, second year needed to go to school in another town so lived 5 days a week in a shared flat with other students for 3 to finish high school or whatever you call it when you are 16 to 18 in the us. - moved around a lot in norway, lived in 3 other cities and countless moves in between. general theme is i always needed to adapt to my surroundings, figure out culture, language people, customs and so on. was never a guy who planned but acted on opportuneties, chose a path through school because my friends did, at 18 I started to choose a bit more for myself, but still surfing and jumping at interesting stuff. had several big changes in life which i did when things got really bad, i changed myself to improve or adapt to new reality. what i am getting at that i have never really spent time figuring out who i want to be, i just adapted. a chameleon to blend in, only stand out to attract females.

1. I am going to continue the wake up routine. Cold water on the face, some breath work and setting the intention for myself. I also included gratitude in this as well. 2. Focus is a challenge for me so along with my existing use of Google Calendar I am going to set aside 25-45 minute blocks of time to focus on tasks in my To-Do list every day. 3. I walk for an hour almost every day so the second half of my walk I will have no “inputs”. I can’t work or make content or answer messages during that last 30 minutes. So I will actually focus on my own mind and thoughts during that time. I hope I did this right. 🤪 I am a little behind the 7 Days. Focusing on priorities and my self development has been a challenge for me these days but I am not going to give up and I am here to push past the “all or nothing” mindset loop I am trying to get out of.

I’ve always known meditation was powerful. Over the past decade, I’ve dibbled and dabbled with it plenty of times, but I never built a practice that actually lasted. That started changing when I went through the Seven-Day Reset and became more intentional about not checking my phone first thing in the morning. Because I don’t usually have to wake up at a specific time, I’ve started turning my phone completely off at night and leaving it downstairs. When I wake up, I go straight into our guest room, sit down, and do box breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds Hold for 4 Exhale for 4 Hold for 4 I don’t give myself a specific time requirement. Some mornings it’s two minutes, and other mornings it might be 15. Ironically, even though I’m doing box breathing, I don’t want to put myself in a box lol. The second I tell myself I have to meditate for 20 minutes every day, it starts feeling like another obligation. Keeping it flexible makes it much easier for me to stay consistent. Once I’m done, my reward is getting access to my phone. And trust me, I definitely want to check it. I want to see my emails, new members joining our Skool communities, revenue, notifications, and everything else that happened overnight. The first two weeks were hard, but today I noticed my meditation felt much deeper and my focus was noticeably better. Nothing complicated. I’m just training myself to slow down, breathe, and center myself before giving the outside world access to my attention. It all started with the Seven-Day Reset.

7 days reset was exactly what I needed to kick-start something. The 3 habits i will work on daily to keep are morning routine, protecting my focus and keeping a promise. Especially the last one I feel i need the most, still not trusting myself. Went from crisis mode to fixing mode, still missing the reality check of feeling mode. Previous history suggests i might be skipping that again until completely alone. Eeh what do i know, discipline is what is needed, I'll stick to that and see what gives.