5 Struggles - - i am very insecure of who i am and what i look like. Growing up i was always the fat friend, growing up in a hispanic household i was always made fun of for being fat, by my family members. I started seriously lifting at the age of 15, by 18 i peaked at 250 lean, i got distracted and lost weight and got fat again, ended up joining the military in hopes it would change me and it did for a year but then i got injured and got fat again, finally in 2023 i saw a photo of me holding my newborn and i decided enough was enough i dove headfirst into body building, this still hasnt repaired my insecurity, i still hate taking off my shirt, i do hate when people make jokes or talk about my size in general, its been a very difficult task to overcome - I have always been insecure of my intelligence and my capability, I always surrounded myself with people who I thought were smarter and in better positions than me in life, in hopes they’d rub off, and unknowingly to no fault of their own, at times even my closest friends would put me down. So academically i put myself in a bad spot because i had a fear of failure so at the time i wouldve rather acted stupid and fail/do bad on purpose and look like i didnt give a fuck in order to be the cool one, rather than be more confident in myself and do well, even though i would always pass my exams and get great grades on projects it was the day to day that i let fall through and hurt me - value and money have always been a foreign concept to me, growing up i was blessed to have parents that worked hard and got us far, but it wasnt always consistent and there were roadblocks, we were always comfortably in the middle but it never truly felt stable enough and there were some rough moments, part of me joining the military was the financial stability and value that it brought to the table. - I am exceptionally intolerant of mediocrity even though i find myself to be extremely mediocre. I hate seeing people that can go far but choose not to, i hate seeing people that can make things happen but stop themselves, i know that i can do things better, learn more, work harder, get further, but I consistently find myself ruining my progress and jeopardizing my work because for whatever reason i am afraid to succeed because of a fear to fail. - I am extremely introverted and i hate going out, i get extremely uncomfortable in large crowds or in front of people, regardless of how it may seem in the eyes of others, I don't like engaging in conversation and i find myself constantly avoiding conversations or interactions with people. So much so that i intentionally make my self more imposing or more threatening to throw people off