Hey James, Read through both loglines and wanted to share where my head went. The first one sets up real stakes, but it asks the reader to track three separate incidents before we even meet Ali, so the hook doesn't quite land as fast as it could. The second has a great spark with the "selfie stick for a sword" line, but I worry the influencer framing might make readers underestimate her before she's had a chance to prove herself, and the tonal shift to dragon apocalypse felt a little quick for one sentence to carry. Because you've shared some of the backstory prior, I kept coming back to something neither draft has used yet, which I think could be your best card to play: Ali isn't just inheriting a castle, she's inheriting a soul. That reincarnation twist gives us a Mummy or Underworld-style hook, with a 900-year love story quietly powering the action underneath. Here is a pass at leading with the inciting incident, naming Ali early, and ending on that reveal as the line that could make someone want to open a pitch-deck or thumb through a script. Logline: When her family inherits a cursed English castle, Ali Westfield discovers she's the reincarnation of a Nephilim queen, the only soul alive who can stop a dragon nine centuries in the waking. Cheers! Alex