Jun 4 • General discussion
Not enough
I keep measuring my heart
against every mistake I have ever made,
like one wrong word
can erase every soft thing in me.
I am so tired
of being a storm in rooms
where I only wanted to be sunlight.
I do not want to hurt anyone.
God, that is the whole ache of it.
I care so much
it turns into claws inside my chest.
Some nights I think
maybe silence would be kinder,
maybe absence would make less damage,
maybe everyone would breathe easier
if I stopped taking up space.
I have apologized
for things I never meant to become,
for the sharp edges of my fear,
for the way my sadness spills
before I can catch it in my hands.
I keep trying to be gentle,
but my pain has teeth,
and sometimes it bites
the people who reach for me.
That is the part that breaks me.
Not just that I hurt,
but that my hurt has an echo.
That it can leave bruises
on hearts I only wanted to hold.
I wish I could peel myself open
and take out whatever is wrong.
Lay it on the table.
Name it.
Burn it.
Beg it to stop wearing my face.
I wish love was enough
to make me easy to love.
I wish wanting to be better
made me less exhausting.
I wish my heart did not feel
like a house everyone keeps leaving
because the lights flicker too much.
And I am so tired
of being sorry.
So tired of being scared
that one day everyone will realize
I am more trouble than tenderness,
more weight than warmth,
more wound than person.
But somewhere under all this ruin,
there is still a small, shaking thing
that does not want to die.
It only wants the hurting to stop.
It only wants to be held
without feeling like a burden.
So tonight,
I will not call myself good.
I cannot reach that far.
Tonight,
I will only call myself here.
Still breathing.
Still aching.
Still trying
not to disappear.
And maybe that is not enough
for the world.
But maybe,
for this one unbearable night,
it has to be enough
for me.
Even if everything in me
wants everything to stop for good.
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1 comment
Not enough
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Emotional, poetic, and honest, my writing explores love, healing, connection, struggle, and the beauty found in being human.
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