5d • General discussion
Coaching in the US
Credit: The Sporting Resource
Nobody prepares you for the moment a parent says the quiet part out loud.
Ten years ago, whilst coaching a U10 football team in America, I'd taken over a team from another coach.I knew what I was walking into, the culture was winning at all costs with the playing style being very direct, i.e. long balls, nothing else. Parents coached from the sidelines like they had the whistle. Results weren't just important, they were everything the only thing).
Before the season, I handed every parent a questionnaire in an attempt to generate their thoughts on player development, expectations and what they wanted from the experience.
In hindsight, I tried to change things too quickly but I tried for equal playing time, or as close to it as I could manage. A different style of play and a different way of thinking about what development actually meant at ten years old.
Initially, the results went against us, especially in the eyes of the parents, which resulted in the mood shifting, and I could feel it.
After one particular game, walking back to the car park, casually and with no drama, one of the parents walked next to me:
Parent: "Can I ask you something? The equal playing time thing, what's the thinking behind it?"
Coach: "Every player in that squad deserves to develop. That's what I'm here for, to support all of them, not just the ones who might help us win on game day."
(A pause, he nods slowly.)
Parent: "I hear you, but honestly? I'd rather you didn't play my son as much. If it means we win."
(The coach stops walking.)
Coach: "You'd rather your son plays less."
Parent: "If it means we win, yeah. When we win, the mood's different, the parents are happier. It's just better for everyone."
Coach: "You're paying thousands of dollars for your child not to play?"
Parent: (calmly) "If it means we win. Yeah."
(A beat.)
Coach: "I'm a coach, my role is to develop every player in that squad. Not to manage how happy the parents feel from one weekend to the next."
(The parent smiles. Starts walking again.)
Parent: "Think about it."
(He walks away, casually, like he'd suggested nothing unusual at all.)
I stood there for a moment, he wasn't angry, aggressive, but meant every word of it. That was the moment I understood, it wasn't about the boys.
It had never really been about the boys.
The results meant something to the parents that had nothing to do with football, which was a sense of belonging. Something to carry into the week and to talk about when they met. They were playing through their children, and no questionnaire, conversation, or equal playing time policy was going to change that.
Some cultures are bigger than one coach with a different idea. I learned that walking back to a car park in America, ten years ago, and I've never forgotten it.
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Coaching in the US
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Fixing the broken youth soccer system
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