8d • General discussion
HI . newbie here who needs help.
I am a 14-year-old girl. I have a younger brother who is faring far better than me in everything he does. I have mixed feelings about my mother. I strongly hate my cheater of a father, who my mother says I should act loving around. I have realistic dreams, like just learning a skill, which I can't do due to my dysfunctional family. My father dotes on and spoils my brother while looking down on me. I have no idea what my mother thinks of me.
I only have 3 friends at school, and our friend group is breaking up. They have open invitations to bigger friend groups, so even if we split up, they have others, but I have no one. I am doing horribly in my studies, and I don't have any other talents to keep me afloat.
I have a total of 10 cousins whom I can't talk to because of my father. I have no idea about the things going on in my own family. I have no understanding of society or how to act around people, how to trust them, or anything else.
I am not interested in, nor do I know about, popular things to engage in conversations with kids my age. I just hang around like a ghost, barely understanding their language (literally). My friends are getting fed up with my uptight parents. I have no friends outside of school; I don't talk to anyone.
My appearance isn't nice either. I have patches of acne, thin hair, a poorly proportioned body, and I slouch. I can't even try new little things, like exercising, painting, or music, because my own family—especially my mother—makes sneering comments about it. I stopped reading at home because she would say, 'Oh, are you really reading?' in an awful tone, and I don't want to end up hating another thing I love.
I used to have some self-love. I would look in a mirror and style my hair, listen to and dance to music on my headphones, smile and laugh at funny videos, and feel proud of myself for finishing tasks. But whenever I enjoyed myself, trouble would soon follow twofold, or my mother would say, 'You only finished this much?'
I am in Grade 10 with my boards coming up in February, and I am currently failing at studies, life, and myself. Also had suicidal thoughts and dumb attempts.
P.S. - Sorry for the trauma dumping, but I am desperately in need of solutions on how to deal with a life like this
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HI . newbie here who needs help.
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