Feb 24 • General discussion
Valuing what is really Valuable
Quote for the Week:
"Where is my real value if I devalue the unsolicited kisses and hugs from the people in my home, yet give value to the likes, follows and approvals of complete strangers?"
I have a daughter who likes to hug. My Lord, she likes to hug!
When she was 4, she would literally hug you five times in one day. At least.
Today's, she's 19, and she doesn't hug that much in quantity anymore, but she still values hugs. If I hug her right now, I might just be hugging her for 3 - 4 minutes...no exaggeration.
Recently I heard her say in passing that "hugging is when she feels most loved".
Interesting.
I don't get the excessive hugging. I don't mind hugging people. I have gotten used to hugging more. Hugging used to be uncomfortable to me because of my upbringing. Hugging, to me was a sense of vulnerability that I didn't feel comfortable giving to everyone; although, if you are in the faith community, particularly, Christian community, people hug ALL THE TIME (although not all Christian hugs feel genuine...but that's another conversation for another day).
I didn't feel comfortable hugging my daughter to the degree that she liked to hug because 1) I felt like it was excessive, and 2) It wasn't comfortable to me.
But I realized something when she was 4 that I try to keep myself accountable with even when she's 19:
She doesn't want to hug just anyone. She wants to hug her mom, her siblings me.
She wants to hug me, her father.
The first male that she's ever come in contact with.
And if I reject her hugs. If I say, "DAG! Why do you have to hug so much?"
If I push away her affection, then I might just put her in a place where she would be desperate enough to hug anyone.
"Family" and "Familiar" are similar words. Similar root. Sometimes we become familiar with family. Too familiar with family that we devalue the affection that they attempt to give us. All the while, we look for approval from people outside of our homes. Social media, bosses, keeping up with the Jones'.
I don't worry about this daughter hugging anyone. We raised her with a particular standard. We hear this standard and her profession of her faith consistently in her life. We know she's good. Even if our hugs stopped (which they won't), I'm confident that she will still be good. I know she's not pressed to hug just anyone.
But that got me to thinking about something else. At some point in the not too distant future. A man will come along and he will take my daughter away from me. And they will exchange vows and he will be the #1 man in her life. And at that particular moment, she will not longer look to hug me like she does now. She will hug me from time to time, but her affection will change. She will eventually have kids and she will find a fulfillment of hugging that man and those children and the hugs she has reserved for me will become less and less.
I don't fear that happening. I am humbly excited to see how life unfolds for all of my children. But I know one thing, I will value every hug I have now because I don't know how many I will have left.
Let's make a constant effort to value the affection, the expressions; yes, even the simple presence of the people in our home that we call family. Let's fight off the toxins of familiarity. Let's value those in our homes instead of looking to find value from the social media or bosses or status quo keepers that only value us to a limited degree anyway.
Today, when my daughter gets home from work, I'm going to welcome her with a BIG HUG!!!!
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Valuing what is really Valuable
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