24d • General discussion
My son would be 5 today.
Losing my son shattered my world in a way I never imagined possible. There are no words for the kind of pain that comes from losing a child — it changes you, breaks you, and leaves you trying to breathe in a world that suddenly feels unfamiliar. In those early days, I didn’t know how to stand, how to understand, or how to accept what had happened. I felt lost, angry, confused, and heartbroken all at once.
But in the middle of all that darkness, God never left me. Even when I felt too broken to pray, too hurt to understand, He was there. Sometimes His presence came in quiet moments — a sense of calm when I thought I couldn’t take another step. Sometimes it came through people He placed in my life — someone checking on me at the exact moment I was falling apart, or a word of encouragement that felt like it was spoken straight from His heart to mine.
God didn’t rush my healing or expect me to be strong on my own. He stayed beside me in every tear, every question, and every silent night when the grief felt unbearable. He gave me permission to feel the pain, but He also gave me the strength to keep going. Slowly, He showed me that accepting my son’s passing didn’t mean the love I have for him would fade. Accepting it meant trusting that my child is in a place more beautiful and peaceful than anything I can imagine — held by the same God who is holding me.
Through prayer, scripture, and those quiet moments when I felt God whisper peace into my spirit, I began to understand that my son’s story didn’t end here. His life, though short, had purpose. His presence changed me, shaped me, and will always be a part of who I am. And even though my heart will always miss him, God has helped me see that loss is not the end — love continues, even across heaven and earth.
I am learning to live with both grief and gratitude: grief because I miss him with every breath, and gratitude because God trusted me with his life, even for a short time. Gratitude because my son is safe, whole, and surrounded by a love far greater than anything this world can give. Gratitude because God continues to heal me, piece by piece, day by day.
I still have hard days. I still cry. I still long to hold him. But now I walk with a peace that only God could give — a peace that comes from knowing I will see my child again. A peace that tells me I can keep living, keep loving, and keep moving forward, carrying my son’s memory with me every step of the way.
God didn’t take away my pain, but He turned it into something I could survive. And in that survival, He is teaching me how to accept what happened, how to trust His plan, and how to live with hope again.
My son may not be here in my arms, but he will always be in my heart. And because of God, I can say that with peace instead of despair. God held my child in heaven, and He is holding me here on earth — and that is how I’ve made it this far.
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My son would be 5 today.
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