Why should you show unconditional positive regard toward the spirit of your spouse? When you appear to hate and despise who your spouse is as a person because of the wrong they have done, they'll close off to you. This isn't fair to you especially if they hurt you in the first place—but it is a fact.
You must decide: Will I punish my spouse with hostility and contempt because of what they have done or will I move the marriage forward by being a mature person who truthfully confronts wrongdoing but in a way that feels loving and respectful to the heart of my spouse?
Be intentional