God, I’m tired.
Not the kind a night of sleep can fix.
I’m soul tired.
Bone-deep.
The kind that settles behind the ribs
and refuses to move.
I don’t have big words tonight.
No polished prayers.
No Sunday voice.
Just this.
I tried being strong today.
Tried smiling like the cracks weren’t spreading.
Tried walking straight while everything inside me
leaned sideways.
People think faith looks like certainty.
But tonight mine looks like sitting on the edge of the bed with my hands hanging loose and nothing left to hold up.
God, I’m tired of carrying versions of myself
I don’t recognize anymore.Tired of memories
that don’t knock before coming in.
Tired of pretending that healing
doesn’t take more out of me
than breaking ever did.
And I know I’m supposed to say
thank you. Supposed to say
I trust you. But tonight all I’ve got is honesty.
So here it is unfiltered, unfinished, barely standing:
If you’re still here, sit with me.
I don’t need answers.
Don’t need lightning.
Don’t need a miracle speech.
Just stay.
Because sometimes faith isn’t a fire.
Sometimes it’s a flicker that refuses to go out.
And if that’s all
I can offer tonight
God, I hope
it’s enough.
by Jason Strickland