18d (edited) • General discussion
Who Will You Be
“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.” —Epictetus
One of the earliest things I discovered about fatherhood was how transformative it can be if you let it. I still remember when my wife told me she was pregnant: it was Wednesday and I had just left the comic book store (for you non-nerds, Wednesday is when the new ones drop and there was a particular one I was really excited about that had come out so I was riding high lol), and then I get a call from my then-fiancé, Melissa, telling me through tears of joy that I’m going to be a father.
At that point I had a bit of an internal clash. On the one hand, I was so excited, though a little floored, at the idea of being a dad, but on the other hand, it wasn’t lost on me that I was just moments ago engaging in something really juvenile. This all lead to the question of: “Am I ready to be a dad?” I’m pretty sure we all thought that at some point but I’ve also reached the point where I feel like it’s kind of a bullshit question. Most people, if they’re being honest with themselves, know that you’re probably never REALLY ready to become a parent. It’s a position you rise to. It’s also a stupid question because it doesn’t matter what the answer is: the baby is coming whether you’re ready or not. The real question that I should’ve asked, and that I still ask is: “Who do I want to be as a dad?”
I think a lot of people live really unintentionally. They become a product of their circumstances and sort of react to the world around them, but that’s a rough way to live. I’ve always believed that a man needs to set the intention of who he wants to be, and then deal with the circumstances around him in a way that serves that intention.
If you want to be a dad who is fit, present, and able to one day be at your child’s wedding—then you have to have the vision of what that looks like, and then make the choices that align with that vision. That means if you’re like me and you find yourself having put on weight and being away from home because I’m working as much as I can to pay the bills, then I have some work to do and changes to make—which I’m now doing via a recommitment to training and even going through the 75 Hard program for the first time in years, and making a real push to primarily coach people online so I can be home more. I have the vision in my head of the man and the father I want to be, and now it’s just about making the daily choices to make it happen.
So I challenge you all to ask yourselves: who do you want to be as a dad?
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Who Will You Be
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