Jan 2 • Spirituality
Lonely New Years Eve.
I had a epiphany like moment this new years eve....This year I had to work as there was a lot on the plate from taking Christmas week off. As well the kids were in Indiana visiting their moms side of the family and my family took off to return to Houston on Sunday.... it was just me.
After work, driving to the grocery store, a sense of loneliness started to overcome me, a sense of self-pitty...A wo is me, that I had no one to spend new years eve with....it lingered for an hour or so....and I went along with my evening with a trip to the grocery store... While driving, in this state of pitty, an instant mental flash of lightning over came me, what I have grown to know as a message from god.... In a moment, quicker than the reaction time between and green light and a gas peddle, I was shown that being alone new years eve was not happenstance, but a decision, a decision of the heart..there was a purpose. God had a purpose.
in that moment, I was reminded that I had been invited places of which I neither declined or accepted. This indecisiveness transitioned to angst, which grew into into loneliness. A lack of indecision because I was conflicted....my heart and spirit needed alone time, but my brain and worldly being desired new years eve. A dichotomy of spirt and world.
Once I realized that I was choosing to spend the evening alone, my purpose changed, and once my purpose changed, my subsequent activities that night changed. I decided to pull on that string some more.... Once back from Publix, I opened the Journal for a pouring out of the heart, organization of the mind and a spiritual temperature test. Summarized...I sat down with God. I had to, he called me to, as I would one of my children that needed one on one time with their father.
I was blessed that evening with vision, peace, purpose and an revitalized spirit. All of which stemmed from a purposeful decision to choose what the heart/spirt wants over the body. As a night of journaling and fellowship with god wound down, I was left with an understanding that we don't get to choose when god calls for one on one time. But we need to honor him and allow it. It's not going to be when we want, and it may not please us...No different than how it displeases my son when I hold him back from running off with friends so I can solidify an important life lesson without distraction.
So I take from the last day of 2024 a purpose, a purpose to go into 2025 living life "consciously purposeful" lol..(not sure if that makes sense) to follow my heart, and to be aware when god is calling me in for a one on one.
Here's to 2025! Happy New Year Gent's!
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Lonely New Years Eve.
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