Jan 20 • Family
Let the trip be the trip
I recently went on a trip to RI to snowboard with my cousin and his son. Both who have turned to me for guidance as of late. My cousin who is going through more than he realizes with a new baby on the way and a fiance who he has fallen out of love with, (and she with him) as well as his son who is working to find his identity in life while searching for validation that he is working towards being "successful" all the while making mistakes (got caught vaping) along the way..... I set out to bring the holy spirit to the both of them and share what I have learned through similar issues and obstacles. None of this was explicitly stated, but was definitely understood by the three of us. I set out to let God work through me to solve all their problems. A trip for camaraderie, enlightenment and an introduction to holy spirit as the solution during times of trial. A spiritual campaign.
Straight off the plane, 10pm, I am listening and absorbing all the issues. Listening to the venting, being empathetic and dissecting all the nuances of the "issues" well into the 1am hour. I was happy to be the sounding board...This continued in the morning but this time with more dialogue back and forth, testimony and advice. I didn't have to force anything, it all poured out like a shaken soda bottle thats top was removed. A true heart to heart full of energy and love. My perspective and advice was met with acceptance, push back and skepticism. A solid mixed bag, but nothing out of the norm. But after enough time eventually we started to go in circles and beat the proverbial dead horse.
Half way through the day I realized the only way these issues could be resolved was through God. There was nothing I could do. So I expressed this, that these issues all boiled down to spiritual issues. This diagnosis was met with push back, that of which I was not prepared or equipped with the proper tools necessary to take on the task.....Slightly defeated, but very understandingly I deferred my ambition and decided to let the trip be the trip.
I went on the rest of the trip with no objective other than to be myself and enjoy time with family. The third day was spent snowboarding followed by a 3.5hr drive home and a nice dinner with my aunt and cousins son. By the end of that day and into the next day I was depleted, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I had nothing left, we reflected on solutions to problems discussed but nothing that felt like a solid plan and definitely no epiphany or cathartic experience. but we all had a great time being around each other and my cousin learned a lot about how to behave as an adult through just going along for the ride.
I flew home, got a decent nights rest, woke up and went to work the next day. I immediately noticed I was riddled with anxiety. Instead of coming back refreshed and rejuvenated, I was depleted. The type of anxiety where you feel your world is just a house of cards on breezy afternoon, just waiting to come crashing down. That I was not doing enough in life and that I was not enough in life. I realized I had absorbed so many unwanted bad spirits that I was now carrying them around with me. I quickly prayed to remove them and very soon after my energy and well being returned. God had removed them upon request. (A new experience for me)
Of course I had to get introspective on all of this to better understand what I had just experienced...After reflecting on it all I realized that I had felt like a failure. That I failed God, my family and myself. I wore that. Probably too hard, and I definitely didn't need to... I realized that the success of that trip was not up to me. It was in God's hands, and we can't force God's hand. Fast forward to today and the both of them have been calling me more than normal, not for advice, but to just talk. I found that God sometimes works through attraction of being one with God. A contagion not of disease but of spirit. But just the same, something that has been passed without the other knowing, and even either party knowing. I now know that I possess something contagious, something that only requires closeness in proximity. All that is required of me is to walk upright and proudly with holy spirit and a proclamation that what I am is only through him. That is enough. God will handle the rest....Something to note, my spirit has grown and flourished since this trip.
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Let the trip be the trip
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