4-AcO-DMT Trip Report. · Psychedelic Safety & Support

4-AcO-DMT Trip Report.

I've left it a bit long this time, the longer I go without sitting with psychedelics the more time my amygdala, the part of me designed to keep me safe, tries to convince me that delving into the unknown is a terrible idea. The idea of poking my head beneath the murky waters of everyday consciousness fills me with dread, yet I know different, I know that if i take that jump, ill be better for it.

I had been building up to this, doing a few micro doses here and there to help soothe the quivering part of me thats afraid, bolstering my courage for this moment.

"Its only 40mg" I tell myself, "it's okay".

I hold the vial containing the suspended 4-AcO and close my eyes taking a deep breath. I pull up an intention of well being and hold that feeling in my chest. Taking the lid off, I drink the lot.

The onset is rapid, I knew this would be the case. Within 10 minutes a feeling of "other" creeps up through my body. Not heavy like mushrooms, or electric like LSD, but a warmth spreading through my legs and abdomen and into my chest. I look to Tiff, shes on her phone texting, I tell her

"I can feel it already"

The sound of my voice is loud in my ears. She looks up at me

"Are you okay?"

I nod. The usual mental chatter has gone quiet as if my inner monologuing are birds in a forest, sensing a predator. The quiet unnerves me, the sound of my breath that of a deep rushing river, the gentle babbling of my chickens outside clear as a bell. I walk over to the windowsill and peer out onto the yard. A goose, Pam, looks up at me, his single eye seeming to penetrate my being. I smile. I know this, I am open. The warmth spreads through my legs to my toes, fingers and head. I can't help but tense my muscles, marvelling at the strength that I feel within them.

I feel a "message", a "intuition", a "knowing".

"This is your body" it seems to say

"Feel its power"

I smile again as the once deeply engraved pattern of physical inadequacy is challenged. It creeps up occasionally, when im stressed or tired, I hadn't realised i had been feeling that way. admonishing myself in secret for my own perceived physical imperfections. In its stead now, only love and gratitude.

The warmth grows in its intensity, coiling its self through my abdomen. Not quite nausea, it feels both pleasant and uncomfortable. I move with the energy inside me, allowing it to run its course, I don't fight it. To an outward observer I would only be shifting and gently rolling my shoulders and neck, but within it feels like an intricate dance, allowing the energy to go where it pleases, not fighting or resisting.

The stony ground of my driveway begins to move, a gentle sea of dead grass, rocks and loose hay undulating with invisible energetic currents. I stand there watching, moving with the ground in my own way until a sound grabs at me.

Tiff had shifted and discards her phone roughly looking up at me.

"ah" I thought, "that's not good". Her sister? no, her mum.

"whats up, are you okay"? I ask, surprising myself in how effortlessly the words come. usually in this state my speech becomes a stunted, halting thing. Her aura, is there again, I only ever see it when under the influence, a second skin of gently glowing soft hues.

Tiff looks at me briefly, deciding if my sobriety is still intact, before launching into an impassioned speech.

The intensity of emotional energy surges from her, psychic breaker waves projecting across the room towards me, crashing against the rocks of my mind. The rise and fall of her cadence, the peaks and valleys of the energetic torrent. I let it come, riding the energy as a kite surfs eddies of hot air. If I had tried to fight it, reject her emotion, I feel I would be overwhelmed, but to flow with it, it is intoxicating, suffusing my every cell with life. I briefly consider sharing my altered state with her, but reject the idea out of hand. If she knew she would stop out of respect for the trip and I was relishing this rare moment.

Instead I offer small words of encouragement, keeping the idiot smile I felt brewing from my face. She continues, not missing a beat pushing towards the crescendo that I felt was surely coming. With each point punctuated, it drew nearer, when with a force of conviction she came to her conclusion. I staggered back and exclaimed, laughing.

"Oh. my. God!"

As she made her final point an avataric projection burst forth from her, all greens, reds and yellows outlining her features, embumed with the golden green that I had come to associated with her aura. It reached halfway across our room towards me before gently defusing into the air.

"What?", a look of mixed concern and confusion crossing her features

still laughing I fill her in, waving away the concern and guilt that she felt for not realising sooner. It wasn't her fault, this compound granted me much greater control than we are otherwise used to with mushrooms.

"Can we go outside?" I ask

Together we make our way downstairs, surprisingly without need of a steadying hand, my balance somehow intact.

We are greeted at the bottom by our dogs. Their coats shining iridescently, their eyes windows into souls that projected only adoration and a desire to play. How could I refuse.

Bear, ready with ball in mouth pranced to the door, his excitement already building at the prospect of playing fetch. Bear at the best of times struggles to reign his energy in, both insisting you take the ball from his mouth, while being unable to make him self let go. In my inebriated state, this push pull dynamic creates a joyous frenzied energy that in all previous trips has been to much for me to think, act, or speak, his excited energy overwhelming my senses. Feeling emboldened by my previous success at managing external energetic influence, I instead experiment.

Taking a deep breath, smoothing the grin from my face I intuitively pull at the chaotic energy around me and drive it through my bare feet into the dirt below me. The effect is immediate, he calms and sits and leaves the ball unclaimed, amazing. I repeat this at least a dozen times, each toss of the ball revamping his unfettered excitement, until at last, we reach a smooth middle ground and play proceeds with a level of obedience not before seen.

I should note here, I have since tried this while sober and have failed utterly to replicate this. Usual play with Bear involves a bartering system where one ball is exchanged for another, he drops one i throw the other and a fair trade is reached.

A while later, the three dogs all panting contentedly in various spots of shade, I decide to take a walk alone around the fields and to the woods, I can feel the effects of compound departing, gently loosening it grip on my senses returning me to functional normality.

With the final vestige of psychedelic thought evaporating I am reminded that being surrounded by nature and it's sounds fill me with a sense of utter contentment and peace...

How could I ever forget.

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4-AcO-DMT Trip Report.