Gym approach + bigger realization
I planned to do five approaches today. I didn’t.
My energy was extremely low. I had slept maybe three hours the night before, accumulated stress during the day, and my body was honestly screaming for rest. So after work, I went home, ate, and ended up taking a 3–4 hour nap. I woke up around 8 p.m.
Before that nap though, something important happened.
While eating, I decided to remove all distractions — no phone, no music, no podcast. Just eating and being present with the meal. And I noticed how uncomfortable that was. My attention kept trying to pull me toward stimulation. Music. Videos. Anything.
When I don’t distract myself, this background feeling comes up — a kind of shame, a sense of being broken. It feels old. Accumulated. Like it’s been running for years.
As a kid, my parents fought constantly — every day for years. My escape became gaming 10–15 hours a day, porn, anything to numb out. That pattern of soothing through distraction stuck. And I’m starting to see that pickup has been one of those compensatory behaviors too.
There’s this internal voice that pushes me to go do pickup, not always from inspiration, but from a need to feel whole. To feel like I’m progressing. Like if I get better with women, I’ll finally be okay.
So tonight, when that urge came up again, I decided not to follow it blindly.
Instead of getting off the metro early to go “hunt,” I told myself: no. I see where this is coming from. I’m going to the gym. I’m staying with the shame instead of trying to soothe it.
That felt like a win already.
When I arrived at the gym, I saw a really cute girl working out with her friends. I hesitated for about 5–10 minutes. Just sitting there, debating. Then I told myself: “As soon as I rack these weights, I’m going in.”
And I did.
I opened direct: “Hey, how are you doing?”
The moment I approached, the stress vanished. I relaxed instantly.
She was actually more nervous than I was — fumbling words, tense tone. In the past, I would’ve made that about me. “Bad opener. I’m awkward. I messed it up.” None of that happened this time.
I stayed grounded.
I told her I thought she was beautiful and didn’t want to interrupt her set. Asked her name. She said “Queen.” I said “Nice to meet you, Queen. I’m King.” (She didn’t laugh.) Then I said I was joking, introduced myself properly. Still unfazed.
We exchanged a few lines. I dapped up her friend. I kept it light. At some point I felt intuitively that staying longer would just be annoying — she was mid-workout.
So I said, “I have to get back to my workout too, so let me grab your number.”
She said she has a boyfriend.
I said, “No problem.” Dapped her up. She gave good energy back.
And that’s what stood out.
In the past, I would’ve walked back feeling small. This time, I didn’t feel rejected. I felt solid. I felt assertive. Once I’m in the interaction and present, I can feel that I’m naturally socially confident. I don’t micromanage facial expressions. I don’t overanalyze tone. I just express.
Another big shift: I was slightly more vulgar/playful in my language — which is natural for me. Before, I would censor myself out of fear of being “wrong.” Now I see it’s not about right or wrong — it’s about compatibility. If someone doesn’t like my style, that’s neutral information, not a moral failure.
After the interaction, my mind tried to hook me again:
“Maybe she said boyfriend because you weren’t present enough.”
“Maybe you should’ve paused more.”
“Maybe you should’ve built more rapport.”
I recognized it immediately as the same soothing mechanism — trying to regain control, trying to tie her response to my worth.
I shut it down.
I did exactly what I needed to do. I approached. I was present. I expressed. The outcome isn’t mine to control.
I didn’t do five approaches. But I took action when I could have rationalized my way out of it. And more importantly, I’m starting to separate pickup from compensation.
That feels like real progress.
I’m proud of today.
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Gym approach + bigger realization
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